This Is Me

nine

"We are going to live with Ralph." mum says. It's march, I still have classes and she's saying that I have to live with her and Ralph?
Mum lives with him and they live far away from here in another city so that means once I move there I won't be able to continue in this school.
"what about school mum? I finally have friends here, you said that it was the last time I had to move cities, you said that it easy daddy's fault that I lost my friends and now you're doing the same?"
" I don't care Eleonor. You'll finish this school year here with grandpa and grandma but once it finishes you'll live with me and Ralph. In the meantime, you're going to spend your weekends with us."
"what about daddy?"
"Daddy? Stop talking about him. He doesn't deserve to be your father! You'll spend your weekends with me and I don't give a fuck about your dad!" it's always like this, mum wants revenge because daddy found love besides her old best friend and now I have to suffer...
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"And this is where you're going to sleep Eleonor," Ralph says.
It's my first weekend in at mum's boyfriend house and this is huge.
Ralph's house is big with, with four floors, the basement where he has his bar, a big tv with all kinds of consoles and games, a pool table and a big PC, the we have the first floor where is his living and dining room and the biggest kitchen I've ever seen, then it's the second floor with his room that is huge with his bed, a side room with another PC, console and a couch and his personal bathroom, the second floor also has another two rooms which one of them is mine and another one for the guests. Now, Ralph lived with his parents, so the third and last floor had their bedroom that was the biggest of the house, the had two separate single beds and a huge bathroom and walk-in closet, this floor also had Ralph's dad living room, only his used this and it where he kept his chocolates and movies.
I've never been in a house this big, he also had a pool, a house for the pool, a garage with 5 cars and in the back of all that was his factory.
This was a really nice house but I thought it was creepy at the same time. I didn't feel good in here.
"Ok, Thank you."
"Make yourself at home," Ralph said and went to meet my mother at the basement.
I don't feel comfortable in here and I don't know understand why...
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It's finally time to sleep and I ahead to my room.
"Can I come in?" Someone knocks and asks through the other side of the door.
"Yes!" I answer.
The door opens and I see Ralph's dad.
"I thought that since it's your first night you'd like to have something sweet to eat." He says and smiles. "here darling." Ralph's dad hands me something and goes away.
It was chocolate. This man was really nice and the smartest person I knew, he was 70 years old and last summer he gave to a university a car that moved with water, it was a car like the ones that kids use but it's really good, he also knows how much I love our countries history so he told me some interesting facts after dinner.
It was time to sleep and I just stayed eating the chocolate and staring at the roof since this bedroom didn't have a tv.
This was a beautiful and big house, however, there was something I hated, it was the fact that the walls, the floor and the roofs were made of wood.
As I was staring at my bedroom roof I started to see figures, different shapes, hands, people, dogs... It was frightening me.
I was never able to sleep in that house.

The anxiety I'm feeling today's so overwhelming I can't even describe it.

I got home two hours ago and I just can't stop drawing and throwing up. My heart is racing like a maniac and I can't stop shaking. The memories are trying to haunt me, I wish I could prevent this but I just can't stop it.

People say that crying cures everything but I'm unable to do so, it seems like I can't cry. I cry watching tv, I cry reading but I can't do it when it's related to me, to my problems. I feel so emotionless.

I decide to change to my pyjamas and go to have a rest. I feel like I need to hibernate...

I go to my closet, grab a white t-shirt and pyjamas shorts and head to my bed. I'm scared that if I fall asleep I'll have a nightmare like almost every time but I need it, the memories are haunting me so I need to sleep, I need to take the risk and see if I'm able to smile once I wake up.

I feel like I've been sleeping for days. I wake up to the feeling of a hand soothing my head. Mother was never this caring so it's weird to be with her like this, however, I don't have the willpower to make it stop or even open my eyes, I want this feeling to linger with me.

It's the first time I'm being spoiled and I'm loving it.

I feel my head resting on two lumps and assume it's her legs. So comforting... I hug the legs a little tighter and let out a little moan, then I hear a chuckle.

A chuckle...

A low one...

A male one!

A get up quickly and open my eyes to meet this pair of addictive blue ones. I jump from my bed and Let out a little whimper.

"W-Why the fuck are you here Stephen?" I whisper yell.

I knew this was strange, I knew that my mother wouldn't do something like this.

I've always dreamed of having a caring family, a caring mother who could make me meals filled with love, who would fold my clothes nicely with that smell that expresses how tender-hearted she was and who would ask me all these things about schools and boys. However this was impossible, she was never like that because she was too busy trying to find someone to even bother a little...

"You said you'd meet me in the balcony but you never showed up." He replies looking amused.

"Stephen, that doesn't explain why you're in my room!" I say to him. Every time I talk to Stephen, I notice that I say his name and I don't get why... The sound of his name leaving my mouth, the way my tongue rolls to say it, everything appeals to me, to repeat it countless times.

"Well, sunshine..." He rises up and walks in my direction. "I like to keep my promises and since you didn't come for me I decided to come for you." Stephen was right in front of me and lowered his head at the same level as mine. "Pun intended." He finishes and my heart rate rises.

"I-I... Stephen step back! Let me breathe." I stutter.

"Why, love? Am I making you nervous?" he asks and takes a step closer. I didn't even know it was possible to get closer.

And at this point, I completely forgot how to form a sentence. I completely forgot how to talk...

"Pff, n-no. Nah, nope, no you don't." I try to sound a little sure of what I'm saying but fail miserably. Even I didn't believe in my own words.

"I'm sorry, but I don't believe in that darling." Stephen says and bring his right hand to my neck, his thumb pressing a little harder than the rest. " I can tell your heart is racing at an absurdly quick pace." He smirks.

"Stephen..." I whisper with closed eyes in a weak attempt to tell him to stop. I didn't even know if I truly wanted him to stop.

"Yes..." he says in a husky tone and gulps.

I open my eyes and caught Stephen already staring at me. His eyes were set on my lips and I couldn't help it but look at his.

Those plump, pink lips that make me desire him even more.

Stephen licks his bottom lip and just that action sends shivers down my spine and straight to my core. I can't think straight anymore, I just feel this need of jumping into his arms and kiss him until my lips are numb. I lean to him a little and he does the same. On instinct, I close my eyes.

His breath is hitting my lips and I feel his warmth waking up my sexual side, that side that wants him to make love to me, to fuck my brains out.

Stephen leans a little more and I feel his lips slightly touching mine

Until I remember.

I can't do this.