This Is Me

twenty-four

"I met this guy at a gaming site. He's from here but lives in Spain, I'm sure you'll like him." Mom tells me. I knew something was off, she spent whole days on the computer just playing in this weird gaming site I showed her once. I loved it because it has some girly games but I didn't know you could play another kind of games with other people and chat with them. 
"Good for you mom." I say with a fake smile. 
"Oh, you are going to meet him tomorrow." She says excited and I couldn't be more "depressed" about it. I don't want to meet anyone else but mom can't handle the fact that she's alone... 
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"You are truly beautiful little Eleanor." The man mom met online says. He was tan with glasses and really short hair. He wasn't ugly but also not handsome, just a normal guy. 
"Thank you," I say and smile 
"However, you should change that haircut," He says looking at me. Actually, mom was the one picking this one and I didn't like it. When I was about to answer he continues. "It's not a bad one but I just think you should have a haircut suited for a girl of your age, you look older. You know, my daughter has a beautiful hair, you should probably learn from her a bit."
"I completely agree actually, I told her that this haircut was bad for her but she insisted," Mom says without even looking at me. 
This isn't true because I actually hate this haircut and she always made me have it but now she tells this guy a different story... I don't say anything, just nod and let them be. 

I wake up in the middle of the night lost in thoughts. I feel a foreign warmth in my belly. 

There's a thing you need to know about me. Damn, I say this so many times... Well, the problem is, once I fall asleep it's like everything is erased from my brain, it's like I don't know anyone and I don't remember anything. So, when I wake up, for the first 30 seconds, I'm this horribly dumb person that doesn't recognise her surroundings and doesn't have an idea of how she fell asleep.

With this, you can imagine how surprised I was when I woke up and saw I was completely naked, feeling a toned body on my back. I grabbed the sheet that was over me to peek inside and try to find some kind of an answer. The only thing I saw was my naked body and a tattooed hand with Dali on it. Oh shit, what happened? I asked myself confused. 

Slowly the memories started appearing, Stephen in my bed furious, his lips on mine, my body on fire on this bed and after that orgasm he laid next to me until I drifted to sleep. No words were exchanged, only body warmth. 

I turn around, carefully to not wake him up, and admire his beautiful expression while he's asleep. Those plump lips that took me to cloud nine in a second, so beautiful and skilful... his eyelashes touching his cheeks, the way his face didn't look so rigid anymore because it actually looked like he was at peace, relaxed. 

Everything about Stephen fascinated me and I'm not only talking about his looks, his perseverance was indeed something I found extremely appealing, that and the way his eyes met mine every time we talked, how he was always around me and showing how attracted to me he was but without being cheesy or giving that stalker feeling.

I can't avoid it, I needed to feel him, so my right hand moved to his face. Stephen moves his nose like his feeling what I'm doing but then he gives a heavy breathing and drifts to sleep again and I take advantage of the situation to caress him. 

Even though I just let some of my walls fall down and gave him a piece of me, I still don't want him to figure out I'm not as rigid as I show him. Deep down I think I'm head over heels for him but I can't show that if I want to be happy. If my past as showed me something is that everytime I'm true to my emotions and to my feelings I end up fucking everything up and being hurt, that's something I want to avoid right now and that's why I can't give him more than what I already did and Stephen is the last person I need to know about my feelings.