BTS Imagines《ENG》

Desperately pt. 1

"I'm sorry Y/N... I don't think of you that way... I'm sorry if I gave you hopes but... I don't like you. Not in that way... I hope you understand. I appreciate your feelings. But I am sorry..."

Those words are still so clear in my head, the words which pierced through my chest and entirely knocked out my heart. The words that made me cry for endless nights, the words that made me hate myself, the words that dropped my self-esteem down to 0 or even lower than that, the words that were said by the love of my life.

Kim Namjoon, of BTS, him who I work for, him who I had known for more than a life time, he my childhood friend, yes he was the love of my life and he was the person who left me this heartbroken.

Me and Joonie practically grew up together. Our dads were best friends so our families were super close, I had known him since we were wearing diapers. We were the same age and we were practically like siblings... Well yes, until I turned 16 and stupidly fell in love with him.

And from then onwards, it just went downhill for me. I was so crazy in love with him and there was nothing that could have been done about it at this point. It was too late.

My dream was to become a make-up artist and I had the talent for it too so when I finally got accepted into Big Hit to be an idol make-up artist I was over the moon. Whereas Joonie always had the talent for music and after much hard work he finally accomplished what he wanted. He was a part of the now very famous idol group BTS and I was so happy for him.

The day I found out I was actually going to work for BTS , I was really nervous as I didn't know what Joonie would have thought of me working for him but he didn't really care. He was happy that I was doing what I wanted and the rest of BTS were angels and we all got along very well. I loved my job. Now at the age of 22 everything was going smoothly and my friendship with Joonie never faded. I was happy that I was doing what I always dreamed of doing and... I could be by Joonie's side like this... but everything crashed just because of a stupid choice that I should have never made...

One day BTS had to attend a music show and after it had ended every idol gathered backstage. We, the staff like usual had to wait in the dressing rooms until our idols came back. All the members came back to the room as usual, all of them except Joonie. I was kind of worried because they had a tight schedule that day and they had to be on their way to the next program.

Joonie was the last person who would have been late knowing they had other stuff to attend to, he wasn't an irresponsible leader. The members were worried too but they couldn't go out to find him as they had to get ready for their next schedule. So after waiting for another few minutes and as there was noway he could have gotten ready if he didn't get his ass over here that instant, my sunbaes asked me to go find him. And so I did...

I squeezed passed the crowd of idols and finally reached a corridor. When I got nearer to what seemed like a dead corner I started to hear muffled voices...

"Ah... Namjoon we should stop...ah...what if someone h-hears us..." It was a unstable female voice.

Now I knew where Namjoon was... and apparently what he was doing too...

"Sssh... no one is going to hear us..."

Well genius, I just did. Do you know the feeling of when you are forced to stay underwater and then finally when you are just about to loose consciousness they pull you back and suddenly you gasp to finally get some oxygen? The feeling of being breathless eventhough plenty of oxygen was around me thats exactly how I felt.

It felt horrible, my chest was in agony and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to get shouted at by my sunbaes because I didn't bring him back but I didn't want to look pathetic infront of Namjoon and I'm more than sure he'd be so annoyed if I interrupted them now. I was contenplating on what to do when suddenly someone behind me pushed me forward. I stumbled and nearly fell over the couple but for my luck I had balanced myself before that happening. I turned around to face whomever did that to me.