Before I Go

14: A decision

*Flashback*
"I love you Emma. I know we're young, but I know I'm going to marry you some day. Would you say yes?" Tyler asks.
I kiss him and say "Yes. I would and I will say yes." We cuddle and I don't want this moment to end ever.

A week passed since Luke asked me to go with him to France. When he asked me, I stared silent to him. I was shocked and breathless, I didn't know what to say.
"I... Luke..." Tears started to run on my cheeks "I'm sorry... I can't right now..." I exited his car and ran into my apartment.
For the next few days, he kept texting and calling, but I never answered.
It was the last day of my second semester at college and a few days before Luke's journey. I remained the rest of that week alone at home. What was I supposed to do? Go with him, with a chance that maybe it would work out? Or stay alone, heartbroken and wondering what if?

Tyler's mom received me with a big huge. After all the time that passed, She would still treat me kindly.
"How are you darling?" she asked smiling.
"I'm fine, I think. Actually, I came for a reason, I need advice. Your advice."
She looked confused "What is it?."
"I... I met a guy... And... things got serious between us, but..." tears started rolling down my cheeks "He asked me to go to France to live with him... for a long period of time, and..."
"And you are not sure if you want to go" She finished the sentence.
More tears rolled down my face "I just don't want to get hurt again. After Tyler died, it took me time to start trusting someone. I'm afraid that something is going to happen and I'll be alone again.
"Tyler once told me that one day we would get married, and we would have our happily ever after, but happy endings don't always come true."
She approached to me and hug me, she started crying with me "Darling, you miss him. But you're not letting yourself being happy again. Tyler loved you with all his heart and he would love to see you happy.
"I remember one time he told me how much you made him happy. He said that you made him feel secure and loved. You made him last days the best of his life.
"Now it's your time to go on and let yourself love again."
I let myself remember that dream when I promised him I would be happy. It was time to complete my promise.
"My advice to you is to go with that guy to France. If things don't work out, it means that your relationship wasn't meant to be. But you have to try."
We finished talking and she said goodbye. It was good to know that I could still have her company.

*

I was still undecided about what to do. Luke stopped texting and I started to thing that maybe he made up his mind and that I ruined our chances to be together.
"I ruined it, Lindsey" I said "what if he doesn't want me to go anymore? He could be gone already and I'm here regretting."
"Okay, you need to calm down. You don't know if he doesn't want you to go, you have to call him and come clean. Do you really want to try or not?"
"I'm not sure. This two voices are fighting inside my head, one encouraging me to go and the other one remaining me of everything that can go wrong."
She stared into my eyes and said "Emma, I want you to be happy. Tyler would love to see you happy. This will sound really cliché, but what is your heart telling you to do?"
I didn't respond. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.
Suddenly I received a voice message from Luke. It was the first time days that I received a message from him. I was afraid of the message, but I took my phone and I opened it.
"Hi... it's me... Listen, I'm leaving tomorrow morning at 8:30. I'm not sure if you're really going to hear this,but I want you to know that I'll be waiting for you. I know it's crazy, but I bought your ticket already..." He paused and his voice sounded like he started crying "If you decide to come, I know that you feel the same way I do, but if you don't... I guess we never were meant to be. I hope you can answer this message and... well, bye stranger."
I started sobbing really hard. I did feel the same way, I did want to go with him and try. I knew what I had to do.
"Lindsey, would you help me with my bags? I'm going to France."

One more entry... So excited!!