Contest Entries

The Nut Next Door

RR3's Round 3 entry.

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The Nut Next Door

Written by Jelly Chronology

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If I were to describe my neighbor, Crazy Waldo, I would probably come with empty descriptions. However, the people of the town has a lot to say at the mention of this guy that lives in the red bungalow house next to our house and I could provide you a list, except that I'm sure it will exceed two thousand words so I'm just going to give you a "brief summary" (Hopefully!):

Jane the Virgin from the 112th West Ferrer Street said: "Do your best to stay away from that old man. I've heard he's got a thing for young girls like you, the virgin ones."

Nah. The last time I tried to talk to the old man, he won't even look my way. I think he's even more interested in newspapers more than he's interested in young girls.

According to the boyish woman Brienne of Tarth (I'm not sure if Tarth is an actual place because I tried to search it on Google Maps and it won't give me anything or if she's just obsessively addicted to tarts), "That old man is a mystery. Keep yourself in distance from him, young lady, because I can sense danger in his presence."

Danger? Seriously? I can't even feel HIS presence AT ALL!

And, just recently, Katniss the Mockingjay just told me "Crazy Waldo ain't get his moniker for nuthin'. That oldie is nuts, I swear it to my momma's grave, I think I remember meself seeing him got some suspicious dead Presidents in his pocket and I don't see the nut doin' work, so things gotta be dirty."

Yep. Katniss the Mockingjay ain't get her moniker for nuthin' as well.

It is weird to hear things from the people of West Ferrer Street and to know quickly that the things they say just don't make any sense. Prolly they thought they could make a fool out of a 12-year old girl, but I'm not dumb. I have been observing Crazy Waldo for days ever since we moved to West Ferrer Street, and all the things that the neighbors tell about him just don't match any of my observations.

Crazy Waldo is an odd man, but I don't think he's crazy at all. Sure, he's too quiet and he doesn't smile or look eye-to-eye or wave his hands or any of that, but I know the old man is not a:

"Serial killer. The killers in horror films don't talk to people." (Stupid horror fan neighbor, 2016)

"An alien. Like ET." (Dumb neighbor who only knows one alien in his miserable life, 2016)

"Robot! He's expressionless, after all." (Geeky who has no life, 2016)

He's human, of course. He looks human. Sure, he could be tagged as different because apparently I've moved to the "FriendliesOnlyVille" and someone as quiet as Crazy Waldo could be, well, crazy. And I honestly think there's something wrong with that idea, and that idea that Crazy Waldo is crazy is the real crazy thing in here.

So... I'm going to find out myself because it seems like I'm the only thinking person in the neighborhood.

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Old Man Waldo (I told ya, it's crazy to call him 'crazy') wakes up at exactly 7 in the morning. Well, actually, from the first day we moved here, I've been lacking sleep because I don't really feel comfortable yet in my new room so I wake up early. Exactly 7am, I've noticed. And he gets on to the mailbox, gets something from the inside, enters his house and goes out to read the newspaper at 7:15AM. I've kept track.