protective | s.w.

e i g h t

• 3 days later •

Sam's POV:

I haven't seen or talked to Logan since that day we fought. I was falling apart. I spent every night drinking and getting high, but not in a good way. It was extremely depressing how my life has just become a downward spiral. I ran out of weed so, I'm stuck just drowning my pain in alcohol. I would typically get myself more but, I don't have the energy to even call anyone.

She leaves to go back home in a few days and I have a feeling I won't even see her then. I constantly check my phone, hoping to see something from her but have had no luck. The Jacks text me throughout the day, along with my family but, they don't even have the slightest clue what's going on with me.

I haven't had any motivation to go to the studio, work on music or anything. I haven't been on social media, which I'm sure some fans have been getting kind of worried about.

I just wanted to see Logan's prefect face and hear her perfect voice but, the closest I had to that was to look at the pictures I have in my camera roll of her. I could call her, just to hear her voice but, I'm sure she doesn't even want to see my name pop up on her phone.

It absolutely amazes me that within the short time we've had together, I have become so attached to her. It's hard to sleep without her with me. It's hard to do anything without her actually. I miss her like crazy and I can't do anything about it because I fucked up and she hates me now.

So, she'll be leaving soon and I may never see her again. Well, I could see her if she comes back to visit the guys or I somehow see her in Omaha but, she won't see me the same way she saw me a few days ago.

My phone vibrated and I looked to see I had an incoming call from Skate.

"Hey?" I said groggily, coming out more like a question. I didn't expect him to call me until at least after Logan left.

"You don't sound to good, man." He said, sounding almost concerned.

"Yeah, wonder why." I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes even though he couldn't see me.

"Don't give me that shit, Sammy." He groaned. "Anyways, you up to go to the studio later?"

"I don't know, I'm not in the best state, bro." I said looking around the apartment, empty bottles, a few boxes of pizza, and an empty carton of cigarettes. Besides, I hadn't showered in days.

"You're that fucked up?" He questioned.

"Can you blame me?" I growled. I really wasn't in the mood right now. Especially, wasn't in the mood to deal with him. I just wanted to be alone. Was that too much to ask?

"Okay, whatever, another time... Will you come with us to the airport when we take Logan when she leaves in a few days?"

I really wanted to go. I wanted to see Logan again but, I didn't want her to see me like this. I had a feeling I'd still be a mess by then.

"I'll think about it." I finally say.

"Alright, bro, just let me know." He said. "I think Logan would want to see you before she heads back home."

"I'll think about it, man." I sighed, "I gotta go, I'll talk to you later." I said, not giving him time to respond before I hung up.

We all know I didn't actually have to go, I just did not want to talk to him anymore.

I grabbed a cigarette out of the carton I had opened this morning and went out onto the balcony.

I lit it and took a drag. I'm not a fan of cigarettes, I hate them actually. But, they help.

As I looked out as the sun was setting, I wondered what Logan was doing. Maybe she was showering. Maybe she was eating, possibly waffles. She loves waffles. Maybe she was watching the Dodger's game. Maybe she was at the studio with the guys. Maybe she was looking at the sunset just as I am. I just prayed to God, whatever she was doing, she wasn't feeling any bit of sadness. I would do anything and everything if it meant she wouldn't be upset ever again.

And no, I'm not depressed. I'm just in a slump. We all get like that sometimes. Mine is just unusually heavy.

I grabbed my phone, going to my Instagram app, and searching loganpederson.

I scrolled through her pictures, feeling a smile tug at my face. Her smile could cure diseases I swear. I wish I could hear her voice. It was so calming, with a slight rasp to it. She also had a slight lisp that I found absolutely absolutely adorable. It was hardly noticeable but, I loved it. And don't even get me started on her freckles, or eyes, or hair, or nose.

I miss her so much it hurts.

The girl that I had no idea existed a few weeks ago, who I actually thought was a dude when I first heard of her, now has such an impact on me that I'm completely drained without her.

My life is so fucked up now. But, in a few days, she'll be gone and I might finally be able to get my shit together. Just completely forget about her like she did me.

•••
sorry it's so short, it's basically just a filler

the next chapter will be 10x better I promise

I love you

-s.k.