Love At First Sight

Chapter 68

Justin's POV

The memories of myself going through the various stages of grief would flash into my mind and I'd never forget it.

My first stage of grief was complete denial towards Demi's passing.

"She's gone Dad."

I furiously shook my head as I pushed my way through the door. I ran to Demi's side and picked up her cold hand, not wanting to believe what the doctors were saying. "No, no she's not. I know she's not. You have to do something!" My vision blurry, I repeatedly kissed her hand, running my fingers through her hair as she simply lay there, not immune to touch or any sensation.

She was gone, but I just couldn't give in. Someone's hand touched my shoulder and I flinched. When I turned, it was my parents, Demi's parents, Selena and Delilah. They all gave me the same look, looking at me with sadness and worry in their eyes, telling me they believed what the doctors said.

"No, no no no no...." I rocked back and forth on my knees as I bent down and kissed Demi's forehead. "Wake up Demi.....you have to wake up for me baby..."

Not long after, my depression hit rock bottom and I just didn't know what to think anymore.

"Stop it Dad! You can't just drink away your pain like that! She wouldn't want you to!" Delilah tried to wrestle the beer bottle out of my hand but then I just ended up throwing it at the wall of pictures Demi and I had built up over the years.

Another bottle crashed, another picture fallen. I was breathing heavy, sneering at my own actions, knowing this wasn't me, but it was now. I lost Demi, forever. And I couldn't bring myself to accept it. I hated myself for not telling Demi absolutely everything I'd felt when I had her, and for losing her. We'd have our fights, I'd blame her, she'd blame me. I hated the things she had done to herself, but then it'd be replaced with the love and sorrow I was now left with. I fell to my knees and very shakily picked up the picture that had fallen. I turned it over to see the two of us laughing as I picked Demi up for a piggyback ride. Remembering that day made me even more mad. I just couldn't get this loss out of my mind.

Another visit, another prayer. Delilah and I came to see Demi everyday since it happened, still not believing she was gone, wishing it was me instead of her that had been taken. The flowers we brought replaced the ones we got her the other day, settling next to her headstone, laying atop her name where they needed to be. I collapsed to my knees and slumped my shoulders. I felt like I needed to negotiate with Demi, I dunno. Not caring if anyone heard, I spoke.

"How could you do this Dems? How could you just leave? I needed you! You were my world, you ARE my world. Why did you have to leave?" I pounded my fist in the grass, staring at her headstone with tears filling my eyes. Delilah stood behind me, rubbing my back in comfort.

"You weren't ready to go..." I trailed off, my voice breaking slightly. "Why couldn't it of been me? You had so much more to live and see, I'm worthless, you should've taken me, God. Demi shouldn't be in the ground, being missed by everyone she knew, it should be me. I'm so sorry Demi, I screwed up, I'm so sorry....I miss you beautiful. I miss you so much. Believe me, I wish you were here I really do, and you should be. Because you deserved to live, not me babe, not me." I broke down in tears at her grave, recalling the day of the incident and knowing I couldn't stop her in time, but God took her instead, and I hated that.

I was trying to channel my sadness of losing Demi into anger, but it just never worked.

People came to see me and my daughter everyday, people tried calling me but I didn't want to pick up, their faces blurring past my mind as my thoughts were all about Demi. The reason I am where I am today was because I missed her so damn much. I lost my one true love and it caused a down spiral in me and I couldn't help it. Never moving, never talking, just sitting there with my hands in the same place each day. My mind was constantly thinking of Demi while my body just shut down. I felt helpless in it, but didn't think I'd stop it even if I could. I wanted to be with Demi again, I needed to be. But I just couldn't. I spent my days crying. Crying because Demi's gone forever. Crying because Demi was gone too soon. Crying because I had no-one to sleep next to or to wake up with in the morning. Crying because I had no-one to confine in. Crying because I was never going to see her beautiful face ever again. Crying because myself or doctors couldn't save her. Crying because I didn't know how to move on, crying because I think I never will.

This was finally it. It was an really long process, it took time but I finally learned to accept Demi's death. This was the end of something I thought would last forever. As I packed the last box in the house, I stood in the empty space and looked around. As clear as day, I could envision every single bit of furniture and picture that once filled the room. Yep, me and Delilah moved out. I wouldn't be able to manage myself if I was still leaving in that old place, I'd probably slip back into my depression phrase and shut everyone out again. It's been well over a year now and I still missed my baby like crazy, but I knew staying in the house we all once shared would only cause me more grief and pain, and so I thought it would be best if my daughter and I left. Tears sprang to my eyes as I replayed Demi walking into the room and making my face light up as if I'd never seen anyone more magical than her. I'd never forget her, I'd never forget the beautiful memories me and Demi had, never. The only difference between a year ago and now? I finally realized that she was never coming back and that she was gone.....and I could now accept that. It was hard and I still loved her, knowing I could never be with another woman, but I just had to move out of there. Delilah and I can start all over and live our lives again. Demi will always hold a place in my heart wherever I go, always with me, always guiding me.

The end.

No I'm not crying...I've just got something in my eye....