Capture My Soul: A Lucifer Fanfiction

Chapter Five: Desire Unto Thee

I lay in bed that night completely wired, chewing my lip as unanswered questions poured through my mind. What had happened tonight? The events of the past evening played through my mind like a movie and I wielded the remote, forwarding and rewinding parts over and over. One minute Lucifer and I were completely engrossed with eachother, the next hes telling me what I want and what I should desire.

Desire.

That word irked me, made my skin crawl. It was such a powerful word, one that made could sweep you off your feet and make your head spin. Something that could make you feel like everything in the world was perfect but could also leave you dazed and confused. Desire was a drug that made people lose themselves as they succumbed to its addicting substances; greed, lust, gluttony, and those were only the beginning. But one thing that seemed to make perfect sense was that Lucifer, who seemed to be obsessed with my own desires, was the representation of everything I wanted and everything I was afraid of.

If I gave in to my temptations, what would becme of me? What would Lucifer turn me into? My mind wandered over to the very real possibility that if I gave in and slept with him, that I would be sky high for the hour or so I would have with him. Then, when it was over and he was done with me, I would be left twitching as withdrawl kicked in, and the ugly side effects of desire were all I would be left with. No, I couldnt let that happen, couldnt let myself become a desire junkie. But what would happen if I kept fighting? It was evident that Lucifer's obsession with my desire was not going to leave me, it was all he had been fixated on since the moment I met him. So what wold happen if I never gave in? I shivered as a part of my mind wandered to the very real possibility of him becoming violent, after all he had taken on the identity of the devil, what screamed dangerous more than that? But alongside that fear was a cold dread; a dread that translated could be read as lonliness and pints of ben and jerrys icecream.

If I was being honest with myself I knew how much I desperately wanted to have sex, especially with someone like Lucifer. Someone who could sweep me off my feet, make me feel sexy, someone who could entice me, pleasure me. Someone like Lucifer. However, I wanted that someone to be someone I loved, I knew that for sure. Everyone I knew said that sex wasnt a big thing and I guess in the long run its not, but the first time was something that stayed with you forever, and call me old fashioned, but I didnt want it to be with some loser who would throw me away afterwards. After all they call it making love for a reason, right?

But as I mulled all of this over in my head I couldnt help but wonder if I was overthinking things. Maybe it would be easy to just sleep with Lucifer and walk away, maybe he would stop wondering what I desired. But as the thought passed through my mind a pang of hurt shot me in the chest and I knew for a fact that I didnt want him to stop wondering. It felt nice to be wodnered about. I sighed and rolled over onto my stomch, my face smashed into the pillow.

Whatever I decided would make this thig with Lucifer final, and even though consciously I hadnt made a decision, it seemed as though my subconscience already had. I didnt want to stop seeing Lucifer, although seeing was a loose term at this point as I had only seen him a few times. I wanted him to keep thinking of me, wondering what it was that ran through my mind. I wanted to feel his lips on my skin, tasting and teasing. Just thinking about his hot, needy kisses sent currents of electricity through me, making my lower abdomen ache with a need so strong I could barely contain it. No, avoiding Lucifer seemed out of the question. I had to see him again, that was clear at this point.

The only option left now as far as I could see was waiting this out, seeing him but not going too far, keeping that desire of mine hidden away and out of his reach. Yes, I thought, the only way I can do this on my terms is if I hide this craving deep inside myself. I cannot be tempted by him. I mentally nodded firmly while rolling onto my side to stare out the window. If I wanted to see Lucifer again I would have to make sure that anything that went on between us woud be on my terms, not his.