Safe House ➳ Sidemen

i'm not going to lose you

Allie

"Babe? Can I come in?" I here from the other side of the door.

"Yeah!" I yell back, I hear the door open and turn the chair around, so I'm facing the door. I wasn't going to cry and wimp on the bed this time, I was strong enough for this. Simon stands there, his arms crossed and his face going through a spectrum of emotions. "Yes?"

He closed the door before sighing loudly. "You are honestly, the most stupid person I've ever met in my life" though the sentence was usually said in a joking matter, this one was serious, and his voice sounded broken.

"I... Am not even going to apologize. I know what I'm doing" I state, almost wanted to cry into his arms and say that I was sorry repeatedly. But u wasn't going to do that. I couldn't.

"Don't listen to Chris" he states. I scowl at the name, "Chris is just mad, none of this was your fault. None of it. If anyone should be doing this it-"

I cut him off, "I'm going to stop you right there. Do you think I'm going this because Chris said it was my fault? I couldn't care less about what he says. I'm going this for myself. I'm going to die young anyways, might as well be a hero"

I tried to sound strong, dauntless, but I sounded like a stuttering mess. I coughed it off, and cleared my throat, standing up as straight as I could. But then I looked into Simon's eyes, the pain, the pure agony, that lied behind them was what made me fall into a mess.

Simon goes forward and hugs me, trying not to cry himself. He rested his chin on the top of my head, I could feel him quivering and trying not to break down.

"Shh. It's alright. Don't cry I'll be alright" I say, I wasn't sure if I was talking to myself or not anymore.

"Allie, I'm-" Simon starts, I hear him take a deep breath, "I'm not going to lose you. Not again, not ever again"

I close my eyes. If only that was an option. But we still had a week or so left. "We still have some time together, I'm not gone yet"

I feel tear drops fall onto the top of my head. He was crying and it was only making me want to cry more. "I'm not going to be any more ready to lose you then then I am now"

I pulled away from the hug, standing so I was facing him. I put my hand on his cheek, wiping a few tears with my thumb. He closes his eyes and leans into my touch and I can feel myself crying as well.

I lean up and kiss him. It was short, and full of pain and sadness. When I pulled away I looked at the ground. I couldn't do this. I couldn't leave him.

"I'll do it! Okay!" Simon says, crying out, "I don't care, I just don't want to lose you again!"

I purse my lips, "No. No you aren't. I'm doing this and there is no other option"

As selfish as it sounded, I was doing this for me and only me. I was doing this because I wasn't ready to lose anyone else and I would admit it to myself.

"Allie-"

"Shut it!" I say, trying to sound angry, but it just ended up making me cry more. "I'm doing this. At least... This way something good can come out of my life! My life can mean something"

"What? And it didn't before?" Simon shouts, pulling me forward and crying harder. I didn't like this whole cry fest. At all.

"Listen. I only have a few short days left, I would rather them not be full of crying. Let's do something together, maybe we go out tonight, have fun. Rent a cheap motel and stay up all night telling dumb stories and drinking two packs of beer" I blabber out, wiping my eyes. Simon stops crying, and looks up, wiping his eyes with his sleeve and just nodding solemnly. I smile and grab his face, kissing him and trying not to cry, or think about the days ahead.

He pulls away, "You're right. I am going to make tonight the best night you've ever had, I promise"

And he keeps his promise. We leave around four and go out to the arcade, playing every game in there and pushing each other around as friendly banter. We go out to a park and play on the monkey bars, and then racing each other up the slide and seeing who could climb the highest and then jumping down.

We go out to a bar and order everything that looks good, drinking fancy coloured drinks with twisty straws and little umbrellas in them. Which has always been an item on my bucket list that I just never got around to doing.

We went to tesco and bought a thousand bags of chips that had funny names and food that looked gross, and then rented a motel and challenged each other to eat them. We even managed to make a fort with blankets and discarded chip bags.

We blasted AC/DC from our phone speakers and danced like idiots, which I had always wanted to do with someone, but no one was ever willing to.

We drank a lot, but not enough to cause amnesia. We wanted to remember this night.

At the end of the night we laid in bed, made out and then laughed along at YouTube videos. We agreed that sex wasn't the way to go, that it wasn't all that important to us, and laying together, cuddled up in a million blankets and watching the entire series of Llamas With Hats was a better way to spend the time. Which, to me, meant a lot more.

I fell asleep soon after we watched the Shia Labeouf song for the third or fourth time, and woke up to a huge hangover and half assed pancakes that Simon may have stole from the breakfast thing.

Okay, so if turned out that it was complimentary, so he didn't steal them, but the thought of that made me laugh more, so I liked it better.

We were sat at the table, mocking the wallpaper when it occurred to me that this was all going to be over soon, and that I was going to have to leave this boy in just under a week. But I tired not to think about that too much. We agreed not to.

He was making this week the best week of my life and I would always be great full. Even though it was certain to end with an explosion and me going to hell (Probably)

On the way home we stopped at a cheap store and he bought me an old and worn out rose, but it was the best flower there. We also got some bubblegum cause that shit's awesome.

We held hands and told each other cheesy pick up lines whilst driving, and then had a long debate over shower sex and whether it's complicated or not.

When we got back to the house Lucy and Sophie tried to make jokes about us having sex, but they were wrong and pissed. They were just mad that we had a better time then they did.

Of course, it all came to an end when we had to plan our fight against Mitchell. Which only reminded us about what would happen.

And once we had all planned we went back to my room and cuddled on my bed.

"I don't want to lose you" Simon proclaimed for the fifth time. Each time made me want to cry, but I stayed strong and didn't.

But I knew, that after this was all done and over with, I was going to find a way to get back to him. There was something that you could do to resurrect yourself, and I would do it. I was going to find a way back to him.

Well, this was complete and utter shit but different I hope. I didn't write it all out cause I was both lazy and tired and thought that this would be a better way to do it. I don't know. Also, I totally avoided smut. I could care less for it.