30 Days In Rehab

Chapter Thirteen

Day Thirteen: 

I woke up this morning, not withdrawing from heroin. I woke up this morning, a normal person. I decided to give something back to New Beginnings. I asked if I was able to paint a mural on the back wall.

I used to paint all the time. I'm just hoping I didn't lose my touch. I want to draw everyone in the group, not as we are now, but what we will be. Matt wants to be happily married. Joneika wants to be a pilot in the army. Rachel wants to own her own salon one day. Brian wants to be the one thing he never had, a father. Danny wanted to be happy. Me? I just want to be...wanted.

Donna gave me the okay to start the mural so, I did. I went out back with gallons of paints. All different colors, too. I was so excited to start this. 

Hour after hour, I was still doing this mural. I had people come to check on me, making sure I was okay, but that was it. They let me go. I even got to skip the meeting today. The considered this a form of therapy because, I am expressing emotions. 

I was out there, painting the mural, until 2 in the morning. Someone, told me to stop, but I just couldn't. I couldn't put the brush down. Stroke after stroke, line after line, I was finally finished. The mural was finally, done. It was amazing. I did a beautiful mountain background with a bright blue sky. Clear as anything! The clouds were soaring high, as were the birds. In the middle of the sky read "New Beginnings." In the left corner was Rachel. She was holding a brush in one hand and scissors in the other. Next to her, I put Matt and Danny, in love. I know it may seem weird, but all Matt wants is to find a nice man to settle down with. All Danny wants is to be happy. I feel like, maybe just maybe, they can find what the things they seek, within one another. On the right, we have Joneika. I painted her as Amelia Earhart. I felt like, this would give her enough courage and strength to follow her dreams, even though she is still a stupid bitch. Brian is next to her, cradling a baby wrapped in blue. I painted a smile so big. Hopefully, he will like. I painted Emily next to him, holding a degree. She's going places. She can save people. She saved me. 

I put myself in the middle. Not because, I'm the only important one here, but because, these people are what make me whole. I painted my held tilted back with my arms in the air, like i was cheering for some kind of victory. 

In reality, I was cheering. Kind of for a victory, I guess you can say. I'm cheering for me. I'm getting clean. Fuck. I'm so happy. I can't even express myself enough in this damn book. New Beginnings opened so many fucking doors for me.

And believe me.

When I reach those doors.

I'm fucking knocking.

HARD!