30 Days In Rehab

Chapter Nineteen

Day Nineteen:

Today, is the day we have to bury Pat. It's so sad. Autopsy confirmed all of our suspicions. Pat overdosed, yeah, but he did it on purpose. He committed suicide. I want to ask why, but I think I kind of already know the answer. See, Pat always has been someone who ran away from his problems, never taking responsibility for anything. When going gets tough, Pat gets going. 

Khloe signed me out of New Beginnings by using a day pass. I have to be back by eight. That's fine. We ended up being 15 minutes late to the funeral because, some random asshole decided to cut us off on route 55, causing us to take the wrong exit. Douche.

We got there, but to my shock, there was no one there. Not a soul. I asked the pastor if it had ended and he told me it didn't even begin. It was supposed to begin 15 minutes ago, but no one even showed up, just her. He pointed over to Mickie. She is Pat's girlfriend...well, was. The only person here, balling her eyes out. I went up to her and gave her a hug. With her face buried in my shoulder, she let out a horrid sob. I brushed her hair with my finger tips and placed a kiss on her head. I feel so bad. She loved Pat. Her and I were the only ones that Pat had. No one else wanted anything to do with him. 

We each took turns saying the things we wrote.

Khloe:

Pat, I'm so sorry to see you go, buddy. You, Mickie, Nick and I all grew up together. I lost one of my best friends. I know towards the end I made Nick pick between you and I, but you have to understand. I'm carrying Nick's baby, he needed to get better. You know how hard it was, still is, for me to grow up without a father. I don't want my baby to miss out on that. I just wanted you to know, it wasn't easy to say that to him, but there was method behind my madness. Helping him, I thought, would help you too. Go figure it didn't. I miss you. I can't look at your body. It doesn't even look like you. I just miss you, Patty. (laughter) I know. You hate being called Patty. I love you, buddy. To infinity and beyond.

Mickie:

Today is one of the worse days of my life. I have to say goodbye to my fiance. Putting all the drug abuse aside, Pat was a good guy, but he was also a very hurt one. His father didn't even have the fucking decency to show up today. He couldn't even say goodbye to his only son. He thought nothing of Pat, besides him being a druggie. Funny, huh? Everyone sits there and knows how big of a druggie Pat was, but they don't say anything about when he was sober? They don't remember him finishing high school or getting his college degree, do they? No one remembers that Pat, pretty much, rebuilt his dad's car, after Rick got drunk and crashed it. No one remembers the good things, only the bad. I was with him the night before. I remember what I said, vividly. I told him I loved him. He held me in his arms, kissed me and told me he loved me too. When I woke up he was gone. I knew where he went, I wasn't stupid, I was hurt. Bottom line, even though we broke up, we never broke up. We belonged together and we both knew that. I love you Pat. Forever and always, babe.

Me:

I don't even know what to say today. I really don't. I know the last time I was with Pat. It wasn't an very good time. He was high. I told him that he and I couldn't be friends anymore. He was so doped out, he didn't even know what I was saying. He hugged me and told me, we would always be brothers. He's right. Pat will always be the brother I never had. Same for me. Pat grew up in a household that didn't want him, but I did. See, when you become addicted to drugs, no matter what drug it is, you lose yourself. Sometimes, you can reclaim yourself, but 8 out of 10 times, you either end up in jail or dead. That's the truth. Come on. We can sit here and say how much Pat wanted to be clean, but we know we're lying. Bonnie, Pat's mother, was his life. She meant everything to him. When she died, she took a little piece of Pat with her. I think this whole time, Pat knew what he was doing. He wanted to be with her again. Everyday, when he was sober, he would always tell me he'd do anything to see her again. To hear her laugh. To see her smile. To talk to her. Now, he finally can. I want to be sad, but the thing is, I can't. I'm kind of glad. Not glad that he's gone, but glad that he is with her. Where he belongs.

After the funeral, we all went to Five Guy's, Pat's favorite place. We all ordered the same thing, we call it The Pat Special. One cheese burger, well done. An order of curly fries with cheese sauce on the side, not on top because, they get too soggy. One pickle sliced in half once, then sliced in half again and one chocolate milkshake with whipped cream, no cherry. Pat didn't like how the cherry would spew color and flavor among the whipped cream and chocolate. He said it was unholy. The whole time, we talked about Pat. We talked like he wasn't gone, like he was just out, doing something else. 

On my way back to New Beginnings is when it hit me. Pat really was gone. I wasn't going to see him again, ever. Khloe knew I was upset. So, she sat quietly the whole ride. It wasn't until we got back that she said something.

Pat loved you, Nick. He did. He wouldn't want this for you. 

I shook my head, yes. I knew she was right. I just didn't want to know, if you know what I mean. Pat would probably tell me to get over it and to stop acting like a little bitch, if he were here right now. Khloe broke my train of thought with very wise words.

If you miss him so much, put him in your mural. 

She smiled and drove off. I hate how she is always doing shit like that. Always saying these bad ass things, smiling, and leaving like she didn't do a damn thing. Smart ass. Lucky I love her. Well, she does have a nice ass, too. Hey! FOCUS! (She's probably got that cheesy smile going, eyebrows raised as she tilts her head to the left, right now. Am I right?)

Whoa. 

I'm going to do it. I'm going to keep Pat alive. I'm going to make him a name to remember. He's going to be someone. Just like me!

I'm going to paint him in the mural!