30 Days In Rehab

Chapter Nine

Day Nine:

My ninth day here and, about, my third day of withdrawal. I'm on the methadone pills, but someone stole them. I can't keep going through this pain. Sometimes, the pain becomes more than physical. It actually, starts fucking with my mind. I'm starting to hear things, seeing things, too. I keep seeing my father. He hates me. He won't come see me.

On withdrawal days, I go through the same routine. I twitch, shake, vomit, sweat, and start to seize. When someone realizes what's going on, they restrain me and feed me pills. Sometimes, I even have to be sedated. I just want to live a normal life. Nothing, about me, has been normal in such a long time.

I'm so far from normal.

Things are starting to get real, now. I found out one of the girls, I forget which one, is stealing my methadone pills and selling them to her boyfriend. Probably Joneika. If you aren't prescribed methadone, you're using it to get high. Which is fucking stupid. People can't get their hands on the real thing, so they have to fucking steal.

New Beginnings is going to release Joneika. At least, I think that is her name. Either way, I don't really give a flying fuck. She's a stupid bitch. Can't wait to see her dumb ass go!

I wasn't able to go to the meeting today, I was in too much pain. This withdrawal came at a very bad time. I'm still devastated about Pat. Like I said, I knew it was coming. I just didn't want it to be true. Someone should have enrolled him in New Beginnings. At least, he would have been with me. I may have been able to help him.

I slapped myself in the face for thinking that. No one could have helped Pat, except for Pat. The guy had a baby on the way. He didn't stop getting high for that. I don't know, what the fuck, made me think he would change for me.

A few hours after my withdrawal, I got the urge to get high. I tried to fight it. I tried to tell someone, but my mind and body wouldn't work in unison. Then I remembered the pain from withdrawal. Realizing if I got high that it would only set me back, I reminded myself, vividly, of the pain. Not just from withdrawal, though. I remembered all the pain. From the tears I made fall from my mother's eyes, to the old blind man I almost beat dead.

Finally, the urge went away.

I did it.

I conquered this beast on my own.

I know I'm not done yet. I know there is more to come, but I can't help it. I'm fucking proud of myself. No more, will I be "just another druggie in the streets."

I'm going to be somebody.

I'm going to be worth something.

I'm, finally, going to be...

The real me.