30 Days In Rehab

Chapter Ten

Day Ten:

Today was a great day in group. Being close to Thanksgiving, Emily has us write down things we are grateful for. Then, we had to share it in front of the group.

Things I am a grateful for. I am grateful for New Beginnings and the people I met here. You guys showed me things and opened my mind to being sober. Also, I am grateful for Emily. You're a badass. You shed light in any and every shitty situation. You're going to make a great counselor. I'm grateful for my fiance Khloe and our unborn child. I have never felt unconditional love like that before. Khloe gave me the one thing I never thought I would have. A family. Even though they hate me, I am grateful for my mother and father. See, they fail to tell you, my mother had to deal with a drug addict once before. My father used to be big on drugs. There wasn't a day he wasn't high. I know he doesn't know this, but he is the reason I am a FORMER drug addict. When I was ten, he shot heroin into my arm. He didn't know better. He was high. However, none of that matters. I'm grateful that my father wised up. I'm grateful that my mother was so stern with me the way she was. I'm hopeful that one day, they will forgive me and come to my graduation. The last thing I am grateful for is Pat. In a sense, Pat gave me life again. When I saw him, high as hell, come through the doors of New Beginnings, it was a wake up call for me. It made me realize that I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life. It gave me hope, motivation, and determination. I hope Pat rests easy, knowing that, even though he lost his life, he saved mine. That's what I'm grateful for.

I received a round of applause for that. For what, though? Did I even really deserve it? They asked what I was grateful for, so I told them. Maybe, I am doing better.

Maybe I did deserve that round of applause.

Later that night, I invited my mother, father, and Khloe to New Beginnings so we can have dinner.

Everyone came.

I was shocked. I honestly thought that only Khloe would show up.

We had a nice dinner. We all laughed. My mother reached over, grabbed my hand and smiled. My father told me he loved me. I was in complete awe, until I woke up. There was no dinner. It was all just a dream. Damn. I thought my dad actually loved me. I thought he really said it.

That night, I cried myself to sleep. Fuck it, I'm not afraid to admit it. I cried my fucking eyes out. I was crying so loud, I woke Danny up. He stayed up with me all night, though. Just talking, trying to make sure I felt better. Once 4 in the morning came, even though I wasn't, I told him I was okay. He needed sleep. He has his own problems, he doesn't need to be concerned with mine.

Not to sound all Hallmark, I'm grateful for Danny. I didn't write that in the note today, but I am. I didn't want to label our friendship as something "group" related. I wanted him to know, personally.

So, I wrote him a letter.

Danny, thank you for being there for me. Today, in group, we had to write about what we are grateful for. I didn't add you in there. I didn't want to. You are such a good friend. If I would have wrote about you, then it would have been my entire paper. I'm not normally like this. I would never write a note to another man. That's gay. No offense. See, I can joke with you like that. It's awesome. You know I will never disrespect you. Anyway, I just wanted you to know a couple of things. I feel like, if I have never met you, I wouldn't make it. I feel like you are the piece of wood that holds me up. You won't let me fall. I like that shit. You don't know how good it feels to have a good friend. Just know, I will always be there for you, too. We can overcome anything we need to. Another thing, please don't give up. Yeah, sure. If you want to move on from Adam, go ahead and be my guest, but don't forget him. True love only comes once in a lifetime. Anyway, thanks dude. I am so grateful for you. You're best buddy, Nick.

You're best buddy? Did I really just say that? Wow. I'm corny as hell. I laugh as I slip the note on to his pillow.

I lay on my bed and hope to fall asleep.