the deal ~ h.s. (au)

Prologue

Did things turn out the way I wanted them to? No. At first, everything was going just as planned. Exactly like I wanted it to be. But, it seemed like fate has decided to cross our paths again and just intertwine our lives in a way we didn't expect her to. 

Some might say, such a silly girl, hoping for something so hopeless, dreaming about something that's so far, so far away from reality. Others might say, let her be, she's young, let her live and learn. Let her love. I've always believed I knew what love was, in a way. But, with him, love had a completely different meaning. It has led me towards dangerous paths with barriers I couldn't jump over no matter how hard I've tried. Sometimes, the love would take me high, so high that everything would seem perfect and magical, almost unreal. And that's just what it was. Unreal. Because a few words or actions that led after a seemingly perfect moment, made me crush down with such force it'd almost feel impossible to stand on my feet. 

I was just waiting for the moment when I'd have no strength to stand up. To rise from the fall I've just experienced for the thousandth time. And when that moment came, I started crawling, gasping for the air he was to me.  When there was no more strength left for me to use, I slowed down, became tired, but he didn't see that. He just kept running and running. I guess it took him some time to realise I wasn't running after him no more. I wasn't eager enough to follow him no more. But, like with everything, he realised it a little too late. 

I knew he was the wrong person for what I wanted or needed. But, in the same way, he made everything I didn't want feel so good I couldn't let it go of the brilliant feeling nor him. Some say he was too broken; his wound was far too deep for anyone to heal it. At first, I thought that too. But, after knowing more and seeing more, I truly believed I could heal him. If not for me for somebody else. 

I'm not blaming him for anything. He did his best; tried to make me happy and love me. But, we were so different and wanted different things. He wanted a ridiculous revenge and a meaningless life, but still spent his days searching for new adventures,  while I wanted a small hotel and a family, something so simple, yet so special. He brought out the worst and the best out of me. He made me feel alive and free, like a bird that has just flown out from her safe nest. He made me do the craziest things, like getting this tattoo I never liked, but still absolutely loved. I know he cared for me, in some twisted, his own way. Maybe in his head I was still a friend that gave him too many benefits. I don't know. 

Some say I was a little obsessed. Others say I was in love. To him, I was none. 

I guess I should have never made a deal with a fallen angel. But, if I could go back in time, would I change anything? No. Not a single thing.