Nerds in Love//Cashton

Cal

Word Count:
(Picture above is of Michael in the story.)

I awoke the following morning to being snuggled against Ashton. I stretched and heard Ashton groan.

"You're up?" His words felt like a knife stabbing at my temples. I rubbed at my temples groaning at the pain. "Oh, right. Sorry."

"Ugh." I groaned as he got up and went to the bathroom, most likely to get aspirin and some water. When Ashton returned, I sat up and graciously downed the pill with water. "Thanks."

"Yeah." Ashton nodded, his eyes filled with pity. What happened last night?

"What happened last night?" I asked squinting my eyes slightly.

"We went to that party." Ashton said quietly.

"Oh. Right."

"And you drank. A lot." He whispered. My eyes widened.

"Wait, are you serious?" He nodded.

"Thew up at least once during the night. But don't worry, I cleaned it up. Your parents probably won't even know."

"Wow. Thanks mate." He nodded and sat down next to me again. I rested my head against his shoulder as he rested his head against mine.

"You okay, Calum?" I frowned. Why wouldn't I be?

"Yeah. Why?"

"Just checking up on you. You've been worrying the past couple of days."

"Oh." I looked down, wringing at my hands. I hope he hasn't found out and if he has he probably hates me and is just forcing to be friends with me.

"Hey," He nudged at my side with an elbow. "You sure you're okay."

I looked at Ashton and felt my heart slam against my chest. I really wasn't, but I was supposed to be the rock. I was the one that was supposed to make sure everyone was happy. I couldn't tell Ashton. He'd just hate me and leave me.

"Uh, yeah." Ashton stared at me as if trying to see passed all the lies. Something flashed in his eyes but he only nodded.

"Okay."

-

I looked out the living room window as Ashton walked back to his house. Harry had a football game and he needed to drive him and Lauren to the field. I was invited to come along, but this time I turned the invite down. I was still extremely exhausted and wanted to relax.

"Honey?" I turned around and saw my mom standing in the middle of the living room in her purple robe and mismatched pajamas.

"Yeah." I felt myself getting slightly choked up.

"You don't look too good. Are you okay?" I was tired of being asked that question and having to plaster a smile on my face and lying. I shook my head and felt my knees wobble.

"N....no." I sputtered as a sob escaped my lips. I fell to my knees and continued crying as my mother rushed over to me. I clung to her as she sat down next to me.

"Sh-sh-sh. What's wrong baby?" I cried into her side and shook my head.

"I...I like girls. Bu...but I also like b...boys and...and I d...don't know what to think anymore. What if it's a phase? What if it isn't? I j...just want to stop hurting, Mumma." I cried. I was so overwhelmed that I wanted to scream.

"Oh, honey." I heard the slight waver in her voice.

"I hate feeling so sad. I just want it to go away." I choked on another sob, my head still pounding, but not as much. My mother just held me and rocked back forth, as I continued to cry.

I didn't know how long we sat like that but after awhile my mum let go and I wiped away the tears.

"How about you go out for a walk? I have to go out for a few errands, but I'll be back to make lunch. And we can watch Up. How does that sound?" I nodded my head and sniffled. I watched her get up and go back upstairs to get ready for the day.

Standing up and wiping the tears away, I grabbed my house keys and phone headed out to the park.

-

I reached the park and looked around to find a spot to sit down. I still had on my clothes from the party, surprisingly. I found a picnic bench and sat down to scroll on my phone. The fresh air felt nice after another mental breakdown.

"Cal?" I looked up to see Michael with newly purple died hair. Well, more of a lilac. He had some black skinny jeans but a white tee shirt. I frowned but waved him over.

"What happened to all the pastel sweaters?"I asked when he say down.

He shrugged. "I dunno. Felt like wearing something different. Jeans are the same though." I laughed.

"The same pair since year nine." He rolled his eyes.

"What are you doing here anyway?" I looked down at my hands. "Wait, is this the same outfit from last night?"

Tears rimmed my eyes as I refused to share eye contact with Michael.

"Calum."

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"This is the same outfit from last night." I muttered. I heard Michael sighed and I squeezed my eyes shut, letting a tear dribble down my cheek.

"Calum..." I sniffled as Michael wiped a tear away with the pad of his thumb. "This is getting out of control..."

"I know! And...and I'm sorry." My voice broke and I cried. I was so ashamed of myself.

"Don't be sorry. Dammit Cal. You've done nothing wrong."

"Then why does it feel that way?" I tried to keep from yelling. I know he was comforting me.

"That's just the way it is. But, you're perfect the way you are, and you even said that your mom wasn't mad. Why are you beating yourself up over this?"

"Because, what if Ashton hates me?" Michael sighed and I opened my eyes to look at him in the eyes. Michael had both of his hands holding my face, thumbs running my temples.

"You and Ashton have been friends for as you can remember, yeah?" I hummed a yes in response. "So, I'm pretty sure he won't be mad. He better not be. This is something you have to go through and he should understand. And if he gets mad, I'll beat him up for you."

I laughed through a sniffle. "You can't even kill a fly."

"Hey!" Michael removed his hands and smacked my arm. "I can to. The point is, I'm here to back you up okay?"

"Okay."

"Now, enough of this Fault in Our Stars crap and let's go play some FIFA." I laughed and walked to back to my house.