I was awaken by Joss' tears touching my cheeks. At first I wipped them off my cheeks in half sleep but I woke up when they kept coming, I looked at him through the darkness and I was pretty sure he was still asleep so I wiped away his tears and sighed. I took a glance at the clock which read 5:57 am. "R-rein?" asked a tiresome Joss. "Yes Joss?" I yawned. "Why are you up?" he mummbled half asleep. "I can't sleep," I lied "Why are you up?" He sighed before sitting up in the darkness and responding to me. "Eh, I had a nightmare." Silence stood in the air for a while until I asked him if he wanted to talk about it. "Um, not really." I stretched out to turn on a lamp but it was too bright for me so I turned it off quickly. I sat beside Joss and hugged him. "Talking will make you feel better. I promise it will Joss." He made a groaning sound then explained to me what it was that made him so upset. His dream was of him having 3 clones, each with a different personality. 1 who was a complete asshole, the 2nd one was just plain out evil and the last one was the real him. In the dream people mistooken them all for him but they weren't. He ended up hurting alot of people including me and Marissa. I thought over this dream for a while. "Joss, sometimes I do think you have 3 personalities. You act really weird and different at times and I don't know how to explain it." Joss stood life less for what felt like forever. His voice came out as cold as ice and cut the air like a knife. "So then I'm right. I always thought I had multiple personality disorder but I never wanted to admit it. It's shameful." I pittied him, I truly did. "Joss, it's not a horrible thing, I mean, it's just something you have to face and beat. I'll always be here if you need support, we can get through this together." Joss found my hand in the darkness. "Thank you Rein." He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and I squeezed back. I snuggled back into a comfy sleeping position and sure enough Joss wrapped my body in his as if he was protecting me from something. It wasn't in a sexual way or in a 'I love you' way, but more of a there's-a-bullet-coming-towards-you kind of way. When I woke up Joss was still sound asleep, I felt the sudden urge to bath. I felt so ... emotionless. I got up and stripped off my clothing not caring if Joss was to wake and see me. I walked into the bathroom and turned the hot water on allowing the tub to fill. I suddenly felt my mind slipping from my grasp, I began thinking odd things that made no sense what so ever. What's wrong with me? Once the water filled the tub to the top I gently slipped myself in and rested my back against the end of the tub. I already am clean so I'm just going to relax, I never take baths so might as well enjoy myself.
*Drip...drip...* I listened to the water and then I suddenly got a massive headache. Images flooded my mind and I couldn't stop the voice in my mind which lept repeating the words over... and over... and over in my mind. It spoke to me in a begging voice ... as if on edge of near death... or maybe sanity.
Drip drip, its dripping. Its going to break, I feel the fractures. The cracks, the pain of it all as it tries to support my weight. Crack, snap. It's finally broken. What a relief. Knowing that I'm going to fall finally takes my stress away. Thank you for the ride, I'm ready for the plunge.
Thoughts of rivers and waterfalls enter my mind. I become overwhelmed with hatred and pain. Out of instinct I slide my head under the water of the tub and I allow myself to sink down and lie there under water. The voice begins to scream while crying into my head. I have no choice but to listen while underwater.
I'm drowning. I've hit a waterfall. The currents too strong. This familiar waterfall of mine, I've fallen into too many times before. I swore I'd keep my balance and not fall in ever again. I made it half way across until the dam broke making the currents strong enough to bring me tumbling down into the deep depths of the water. There's no where to go now but where the waters taking me. Follow it to where it wants me to go, continue on the path. No point in fighting what can't be won. I'm always going to end up falling back in, so getting out isn't an option anymore. I'm drowning, and I'm scared. Scared and alone. Where are the others who've claimed they've drowned and survived like I have before? How did they finally make it across? Have they ever given up like I have right now? I'm drowning, and I'm lost. I'm lost in the current, far too lost to be found. I wonder to myself if I'll ever make it out. I'm drowning and I can't get out. Please, please, someone help me out.
I soon realize that not only am I drowning metaphorically, but I am physically too. Though my body is screaming for me to pull myself out of the water, I can't seem to put my mind into processing the actions. My heart beat quickens and my mind begins to fall into an abyss of darkness. Just as I see the life I have slowly slipping away, I see a shadow emerge from the depths of my loneliness. It grabs me forcefully and carries me rapidly before dumping my body onto a cloud of softness. Am I dead already? Could this be heaven's clouds? No. There is no heaven, is there? I hear shouts, pain slaps me in the face, then bliss fills my heart as a warm substance touches my lips. I feel some sort of liquid come up out of my lungs and I began choking. As the water leaves my body I feel air being forced into my lungs, in and out, in and out, in and out. The bliss slowly vanishes as the warth leaves my lips. I'm slowly breathing by myself and
