(Rein's P.O.V)
That night Austin pretended like nothing happened today and so did I. We acted like it was any other night. We ate dinner, we talked, we had sex, we showered, and we went to bed. No difference right? Wrong. We both knew what layed ahead of us tomorrow. Wether we wanted it to happen or not. Tomorrow we were going to find out if its safe for me to have an abortion. Theres so much stress on both of our shoulders. So many problems to face. We have to face it together though. I hope our love is strong enough to keep me together. What if the baby is too mature to abort? Or what if I'm too young? What if its not safe? What if we have to keep the baby? Do we keep it or give it away to adoption? Am I ready to be a mother? Fear consumed my body all night long. I couldn't sleep, I kept tossing and turning. Austin had fallen asleep hours ago. I took a quick glance at the clock, it betrayed me. It read 2:17 a.m. Fuck. I only have so much time to sleep. My body became tense and it made it even harder to sleep. I felt Austin's leg brush mine sending a cool chill up my spine. Ugh, why does he sleep without anything but boxers? Is it like a man thing? I could never sleep in just undies and a bra. It's too ... weird. Oh well, guys are freaks. I heard Austin mumble something. I thought he was just talking in his sleep but when I noticed he repeated him self , I knew he was talking to me. "What?" I whispered. He mumbled loudly "Why aren't you sleeping?" Well ... actually what he said sounded like "Wha awn yu shweeng?" I giggled and I whispered back "Too stressed out." Austin made a grouchy moan and he forced himself out of his shelter of blankets. He sighed loudly and scratched his head. He rubbed his eyes, yawned and stretched. Once he was done making a dramatic scene he dimmed the lights on. His hair is a mess and his body looks very tired. "Lay on your stomach." I hesitated. "What?" I asked. He repeated himself. "Lay on your stomach. Just do it." I listened. Austin climbed over me and sat down on me. He slipped my shirt down and for once I felt awkward with Austin touching me. He must have sensed my tenseness because he spoke my mind. "Relax, I know this feels weird. Just relax, I've had a million jobs before including being a Masseuse ( The people who give massages if you didn't know what that word said). You can relax, I'm not trying anything weird on ya." Oddly enough, I felt relaxed now. His hands felt warm against my cool skin. His hands were digging into my shoulders and then slowly they moved down to my back. It felt so good and I felt so at ease. It is so... calming...*Yawn* I'm... sleepy...
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(Austin's P.O.V)
I gently massaged her and before I knew it she was sound asleep. She's so adorable when she sleeps. I softly kissed her forehead and lied beside her. I cuddled up next to her and pulled the blankets over us before I drifted off into a peaceful slumber.
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(Rein's P.O.V)
*Next Day*
I woke up to a snoring Austin. It's time to get ready for the doctors. I've never really had to force Austin awake and I don't really want to. He looks so angelic sleeping, why disturb him? How do I wake him without annoying him? Oh! I know. I smiled to myself and I kissed him. He didn't make a move so I kissed him more passionetly. Still no sign of him waking up. I kissed him deeply and pulled away but he was still not moving. I saw his cheeks blush a bright pink. "Austin!" I whined. He giggled but his eyes were still closed. He mumbled out "Damn it, I didn't want you to know I was awake. I was having fun you know." I slapped him and his body's reaction was to jump up. His eyes snapped open and he looked shocked. "Why'd ya slap me for?!" He complained , annoyed. "I was waking you up the way a real wife would." I smiled and Austin laughed. "Fine. I'm up. Happy?" He got up and stormed off to the bathroom. He's so cute when he's mad. He took forever to dress in protest of going. I walked out in blue jeans, brown boots, a black V-neck and a brown sweater. Austin wore blue jeans, black worn out sneakers, and a white T-shirt. He drove of course because he's the 'man' in the relationship and 'men should drive their women places' in his world. Whatever, he wants to drive, then he can drive. Less stress for me right? We pulled up in the parking lot and fear ate at my mind. Austin's hand found mine and gripped on tightly sharing his fears with me too. My boots tapped on the hospital floor as I walked in. We checked in and found ourselves waiting in the waiting room for the doctor to get off her lunch break. Something was weird today, Austin looked so pale, he was sweating alot and his grip was so tight on my hand that my knuckles looked white. His leg kept shaking, is he okay? It looks like he's going to pass out of vomit. I feel bad, maybe I shouldn't have made him come with me. The nurse called our names and told us which room to go to. The doctor ran some tests and ya know, whatever else doctors do. The doctor told Austin and I to wait for the results. She told us she'd call us when she got the results in. Austin and I went home in deep thought and both refused to bring up the baby. We spoke but we both were tense with fear. We invited Marissa and Joss for dinner to night which made my stress worse. I prepared a chicken and some rice. Austin got some wine but promised it was for Joss and Marissa not for us. I got dressed into a black strapless dress and Austin wore a open black button up, a white T-shirt under, and black dress pants. He looked damn good dressed up. I put on some black eye liner and mascara, and some lip gloss, I even curled my hair. When the door bell rang we greeted Marissa and Joss with hellos. We all sat on the couch and talked about the news and life in America and all that junk. For once in my life , I felt like a damn adult. I mean really, I'm pregnant, I'm throwing a dinner party, I live with my fiance, and I'm talking about the news. Whats wrong with me? Why can't I be a regular teenager? I miss my mom so much right now. I wish she was here to tell me everything would be alright but shes not. The depression over whemled me and I felt tears build up. Not insane tears but none the less, tears. I mumbled "I'll be right back." to the gang. They barely even noticed I got up except for Austin. He noticed. He got up and followed me. I went up the stairs and I closed the bathroom door in his face. I locked it and I sat on the floor tearing. It was a silent sob but I knew Austin knew I was crying. Luckily since it was only a few tears my make up barely ran. I wiped away any black marks from my eye liner off my cheek. I put on a fake smile and walked out and Austin welcomed me with open arms. He hugged me and we silently swayed in the darkness of the hall way. Once I felt better he walked with me back down the stairs to Marissa and Joss. They were helping themselves to some red wine ."Hey, Austin, how'd ya get wine anyways?" Asked Joss. Austin's face went from happy to shocked. He hesistated but then replied "My friend works at a bar and he gave it to me as a house warming gift." Joss nodded in approval. Austin and I relieved glances. I served everyone their plates and we ate dinner quietly. I felt a leg rub against mine, asuming it's Austin I rubbed back but then I noticed, these felt like jeans not like dress pants. Shit. What the hell Joss?! Really, your girlfriend is RIGHT there! Are you retarded?! I gave him a glance and he saw the seriousness in my eyes, he stopped rubbing my leg and I whispered into Austin's ear to show Joss I love Austin and I mean it. Austin blushed red, and Joss looked pained. Haha, all I said to Austin was that I love him. I love how guys asume the worst. Austins fingers wrapped around mine and I felt complete. All worries drained from me and I enjoyed myself for the rest of the night. Marissa and Joss left around 9:30 which left Austin and me to cleaning. We washed dishes together and then I cleaned the living room while he cleaned the kitchen. After we finished I went to the bedroom to undress but I couldn't unzip my dress. I kept trying to reach the back but my arm wasn't reaching the zipper. I cursed under my breath at myself. "Austin! I need your help!!!" Austin came running into the room in boxers and his white T-shirt. His eyes looked worried but when he saw me reaching like an idiot for my back zipper he laughed and walked over calmly. "Lift your hair." I held my hair up high and he slowly unzipped my dress down. He wrapped his arms around my waist and he kissed my neck before whispering in my ear "Do you want to dance?" I burst out laughing. Dancing?! In our undies?! Haha! Is he on crack? Austin let go of my waist and turned me around to face him. His cheeks were pink and he dipped me, I thought I was going to fall but then I realized he was dipping me like they do in some sort of dance I've seen on t.v. His face was so close and he asked again in an silly voice. "Care to dance my love." I looked deeply into his eyes and I whispered "Okay." Afriad he'd drop me. He kissed me and then brought me back up to a standing position. "Wait, Austin. I can't dance." He giggled. "I'll teach you." We spent the whole night learning how to Salsa. I have to admit, I had a fun time. Around 1 in the morning we went to bed tired of dancing and joking around. The next morning I woke up tired and in a bad mood. Its not my fault I'm grouchy. Uh, it's Sunday. Dustangel was sleeping on the foot of our bed and I pushed her off. She fell and meowed softly as she landed on the floor. Austin looked worried, he sat in the living room waiting for me. I trudged over to him. "Uh, what's wrong?" I asked in a sleepy tone. Austin looked at me with eyes that begged me to cheer up. "Doctor called. She said she needs to see us as soon as possible. It's important." I snapped out of my bad mood and dressed quickly. I brushed my hair out and hopped into the car. Austin drove fast, I think he speeded. My heart was bouncing around in my chest and I felt so afraid. Austin parked slopily but I didn't notice much. I just wanted the results. We rushed in and Austin spoke to the nurse. The nurse told us which room to go to. The doctor made us sit down and she had cups of water for us. She sat down and she explained how babies develop in the stomach and all that junk. I didn't pay attention, all I want to know is why she's procastenating. Finally she got to the point. "What I'm trying to say is... Ms.Willow, you had a miscarriage. I'm so sorry." The whole world stopped for a second. It stopped for me. I couldn't comprehende anything right now. Babys gone, why am I so upset? I didn't want this kid to begin with. Why do I feel like I lost something so important to me? I can't explain how weird I feel right now. I feel like I got stabbed a million times in my heart. How could the baby have died? What did I do wrong?! And like that, the world continued to turn. Time was going again. The Doctor opened her mouth to speak but she saw the pain in my face and she closed her mouth waiting for me to speak, to yell, to cry, to do anything. I just sat there trying to contemplate what had just happened. "Dr.Kim, what happened to the baby?" I asked through sobs that so badly wanted to be exposed but that I pushed deep down. I refuse to cry about this. The doctor responded "It appears you had Chromosomal abnormalities. Chromosomes are microscopic components of every cell in the body that carry all of the genetic material that determines hair color, eye color, and our overall appearance and makeup. These chromosomes duplicate themselves and divide many times during the process of development, and there are numerous points along the way where a problem can occur. I can't be certain with what exactly happened but I'm more than 90 % sure that it had to do with Chromosomal abnormalities." Wow, Doctors sure know alot huh? "Thank you Dr.Kim. We must leave now." I choked out before running out of the room. Austin chased me down the hall way and I ran out into the parking lot. He caught up to me and gripped onto my shoulders. "What's wrong?!" He asked in a very concerned and confused face. I looked at him through cold eyes and whispered "I want to go home." He looked at me for what felt like forever before letting go of me and slipping into the driver's seat. I got into the car and we drove home in silence. Matter of fact, we didn't speak for the rest of the day. We did our own things. We ate different meals, went to our own jobs, we watched our own t.v in different rooms, and when we went to bed we simply told each other "Goodnight." and went to sleep. He knew something was wrong and as did I. We're just too afraid to find out how I'm feeling and why I feel that way. I'll be honest, I'm even scared of why I feel this way. The next morning we got dressed and ready for school, we drove to school in silence and by lunch Marissa had wondered why I was so quiet in math. She asked me during lunch what was wrong and Joss and Austin were listening very carefully wanting to know too. "I'm fine. Just feeling under weather is all." I lied. She knew I was lying of course, what good friend wouldn't know. "Rein, don't lie to me." she gave me a 'I'm your bestfriend, please tell me' look. I sighed in defeat. "I had a miscarriage." Marissa's eyes grew wide in horror. Joss grabbed her hand to calm her down. "Oh my god Rein. I'm so sorry." She hugged me and I felt loved. I'm grateful to have her for a friend. Once she released me from her hug, Austin wrapped a firm arm around my shoulder. "So, are you guys going to try to have one?" Asked Joss in amusement. Of course he'd be the one to ask. All three of them looked at me right away with concern. I returned the look at Austin to see what he had to say but he kept looking at me to speak. I didn't say anything and we sat there in silence for a while. Austin finally spoke instead of procastenating. "I... I guess. If Rein wants to." They all looked from Austin to me expecting a responce. My eyes grew wide and I stared blanky at them. Do I want a kid? To be a mother? To finally be the one helping her daughter instead of being helped. To finally give a kid something she never had. My kid would have a mother and a father. Would my conditions be enough for a kid? What am I crazy?! Why would I want a kid! This is ridiculous! I'm 17 !!! I have so much to do in life! I can't raise a kid! "We can't manage a kid yet. We're too young." I said straight up. Then I realized how lifeless I sounded... why didn't I sound passionate?! Why didn't I sound like I meant it?! The gang must have sensed it too because Austin shot me a glare. His eyes spoke his mind. 'You want a kid?!' they screamed. My eyes must have sent him the wrong message because his eyes grew wide in fear after he stared straight into my eyes. What did he think I meant?! Damn it! I wish I knew what he thought! "Rein, if you want a kid, tell me now." Austin spoke sharply staring me dead in the eyes. I opened my mouth to protest to him that I don't want a kid but then sadness overwhelmed me as I remembered the miscarriage. I miss the bond I had with the baby. I... I love that baby. I miss that baby. That baby... was mine... and now... its gone... I suddenly felt very hallow and vunerable. Austin saw it in my eyes and pulled me straight into his chest. He kissed my forehead gently and rocked me back and fourth. "Its okay sweetheart. I understand." He whispered but I knew he didn't want to think about anything that was happening and nor did I. The bell rang, I sprang up and bolted to my next class. The rest of the day was a blur. When I got into the car with Austin he looked angry. He drove fast and didn't say so much as a "Hi" to me. When we got home and he lokced the door behind us, he ripped my back pack off. I was afraid he was going to hurt me. What did I do wrong?! I blocked my face out of instinct. To my surprise Austin lifted me off the floor and carried me to the bedroom. WHAT IS HE DOING?! What if he ties me up and sets me on fire?! OMG !!! I'M GOING TO DIE!!! HE'S GOING TO KILL ME!!! HELP!!!! Right as I was about to scream, Austin tossed me onto the bed and kissed me by force. Oh... I see what hes doing. Heehee, wait! I shoved him off of me as he was just unbuttoning my shirt. "Austin, stop. We're out of protection, we need to buy more." I spoke with little care in my voice. Austin shot me a devious look. "I know." He said before shooting me a sly smirk. Is he crazy?! "Austin, I don't want a kid. Not yet." I said sternly. Austin pranced on me, kissed me then whispered "I do." and he continued to kiss me. Did he not hear me the first time? I don't care what he wants! I don't want a kid! Ugh! What a jerk. I began to pout when I realized, pouting won't do any good in this situation. Take control. Show him who's boss. I pushed him off and I got on top of him this time. I kissed him and then whispered "I don't." We played a game of push-and-agrue-while-kissing for a while until I gave in. What are the chances of me getting knocked up after un-protected sex once? Haha, I'll admit, un protected is so much better than proctected!!! The next night we did the same. And the next. And the next. Finally on Friday I bought protection. I don't want to keep risking this. I haven't felt any sypmtoms yet so I think We're fine for now.
