Gonna Get Better (CAMREN)

1000 Hands

Camila POV

I still can remember how she call me Camz and her smile that reach to her eyes every time she smile at me. I don't know when or how our dynamic change drastically. I walk up to the back of our tour bus and slide down the door. I look to my left and there she is with her head hanging down and clench jaws.

"Lauren, please tell me what I do wrong?"I ask her then inhale. She whipped her head to my direction so fast that I'm afraid she got a whiplash. She look at me with cold but sad eyes. "Are you seriously asking me that, Mila? You know damn well the answer! Are you trying to deliberately hurt me?"she ask me with so much venom and hurt in her word. "I- I" I tried to speak but not a word comes out from my mouth. "You know what, forget everything I ever said" Lauren stand up and shake her head and got out from the back of our bus. I sigh and take a deep breath to calm my inner turmoil. 

I hang my head down like Lauren did and close my eyes. I heard the door slide again. I look up hoping it was Lauren but it's Dinah. "Just give her time, Mila. You know how she gets about the 'Camren' thing"Dinah said with sad eyes. "Yeah, I know, no thanks to you. You are the one that start all of this, you know"I said to Dinah and shove her playfully.

"And I regret it that I make you and Lo drift apart. I never know that will be this bad. I'm sorry"Dinah spoke quietly full of regret. "Come here"I said as I stand up and open my arms. Dinah stand up too and quickly closing the gap. I hug her and put my arms around her torso.

"What's done is done, DJ. It's okay" I reassure her and sigh in her embrace. "Still dawg, I'm sorry. It'll get better eventually"she said then squeeze me gently and let me go. She slide the door and close it then go back to her bunk. I take a deep breath then slide the door and went to my bunk.

Lauren POV

I stare at my low bunk ceiling and sigh loudly. I groan when a lot of things in my mind. I take a deep breath and withdraw the curtain of my bunk. It's already dark outside the only light is from inside our bus to light up the hallway. Slowly I swing my feet out the bunk and walk quietly to the front part of our bus.

I open the fridge and take out cold water bottle. I twist the cap and took a sip of that chilled water. I sit on the couch and smile sadly to myself. I remember vividly the mistake I made back then. On accidentally I like one of the picture of Camz and I that our fan post.

Just because one stupid mistake all hell break loose. Camren this, Camren that. I fucking sick with their delusional. Don't get me wrong, we love our fans. But they must know which one still appropriate and which one that crossing the lines. On nights like this I miss Camz.

Her soothing words, her hugs that can calm my inner storm and her smile alone that can make me breath even when nothing make sense around me. I get up from my position and walk back to my bunk. I can hear a quiet sniffles come from Camila bunk but I tried to ignore it. I crawl to my bunk, close my eyes and force myself to sleep.

Camila POV

"It's get better eventually"Dinah word keep playing in my mind like a broken record. I tried to say it to myself like a mantra so the pain of emptiness lessen a bit. I thought the more I say it, the pain will be gone turns out it work the opposite ways.

It started when one of us use #dearfifthharmony on twitter back in our X-Factor day so our fans can ask anything about us. I remember that day clearly. "Whose your celebrity crushes?" Lauren read out loud for us while she holding her phone. This become a segment so we can be closer to our fans and gain their votes. We usually answered their question as our fans tweet it. While the other thinking, "Mine is Lauren"I shout it loud. Dinah, Normani and Ally awwed with my answer.

Lauren then put her arms around my neck and hug it softly. She nuzzle her face to my neck and smile widely. Seeing her smile that big make me happy too. Then my memories jump to where we always do our twinnies hand shake while on the stage and how she hug me after I introduce her to our fans that come to our concert.

I know what we have back then still within us. I don't know why ever time Lauren look at me or smile at me, she's like having a hold of my soul and her affectionate hugs completed me. Sometimes she left me this goosebumps on my awake without her knowing.

This Camren thing I admit it bothering me but not affect me so much like Lauren did. I know because she doesn't like when she get the feeling of claustrophobic and people up on her personal space. I don't realise that I cry myself to sleep until sleep completely over take me.

Lauren POV

I open my eyes and I can see the morning light through the little space of my curtain. I crawl out from my bunk and walk to the front. "Morning, Lo"Normani greet me. I nodded my head and sit beside her. I sigh and put my head on her shoulder. "You know you can tell me anything right?"she told me. I nodded my head against her shoulder.

"So what's up?"Normani nudge my head a little with her shoulder gently. I close my eyes then take a deep breath. I open my eyes slowly and see Mani staring straight at me. I trying to open my mouth but nothing comes out. I gulp down the much needed air and trying to open my mouth once again.

"It's hurt, Mani. It's hurt when she tried to subtly touch my hand when she think nobody see that and how she still calm with this 'Camren' bullshit"I said with shaken voice. "Who?"Mani ask. I lift my eyebrows, I stare her with my 'are-you-fucking-kidding-me"look. She quite for awhile and I can see the light bulb in her head turn on. Mani smile sadly at me.

"To be honest, I don't know what you want me to say. I get why you said it hurts. We're been on this for 4 years now and from knowing you that long, you wear your heart on your sleeve and sometimes you let your emotions get the best out of you"Mani said and I chuckle a little.

"What I'm trying to say is with the ignoring and avoiding if you think Camila isn't hurting, you thought wrong Lo. She is hurting as much as you. But she hide it so well. Ignore them, Lo. You and I along the girls knows which one is the fact and the lies. Our manager too. I know how our fans just downright insane"Mani said while rolling her eyes and that's make me laugh a little.

"Just for the record Mila still care about you, Lo. It just your interaction with her a bit lessen. You know even a minuscule of your interaction with Mila, make all the Camren shipper go nuts. Remember we love you then, we love you still. Don't hesitate to talk to me or the other girls. Let us in, Lo and let us help you lessen your burden"Mani said then she stand.m up. She squeeze my shoulder and go back to her bunk.

I close my eyes and sigh, I furrowed my eyebrow when I felt someone grab my hand. I open my eyes slowly and stare at the brown pools that smiling softly at me. "I heard everything that Mani said, Lo. I do still care about you but you know our fans these day. I am too wishing we can go back to what we used to without people make a lot of uglies assumption. And we know how this tour works. We far apart from our parents can sometimes make your anxiety comes out do to the stress. Until then we have to be patient, it'll get better eventually"she said to me and I nodded my head. She squeeze my hand and stand up. She look back and give me her smile. I return it with a nod. Then Camz walk back to wherever she was doing.

This too much thinking make my head hurt. I stand up from my position and walk to the back of the bus. I lay down on the couch and close my eyes. "I just want to feel a thousand, from you

A thousand hands from you

Just wanna feel a thousand

A thousand hands from you

Feel a thousand hands from you"I sing quietly and pinch bridge of my nose to stop the tears that threaten to spill out. I smile to myself albeit I feel empty. "It'll get better eventually"I repeat to myself what Camz said. Someday when all of this Camren rumours gone, I hope Camz and I can go back like we used to be without people make a lot of hella assumption about Camz and I relationship that nothing more than best friends that care toward each other deeply.

AN: should I continue it or not?? Constructive criticism are welcome and I need someone to make this cover more interesting. Please message me if you interested.

xoxo - S