better there than here | ᴶᴴˢ × ᴹᵞᴳ

VI

[ hoseok ]

Hoseok waited in the hospital's lobby. A few minutes ago he had left his assigned room and spoke to the doctors, who again suggested him to stay and told him that it wasn't a good idea to go back to the dorm. Hoseok didn't listen. Why should he? He knew by himself well enough, but he had promises to keep. He would make sure to make them come true before he left. He didn't yet know what he would do afterwards, but he was sure it would be the right thing.

He sat down on a bench, facing the door, waiting for Jimin. Jimin had promised he would come and get him home or first to the practice room, however, right now Hoseok wished Jimin wouldn't show up. He felt a familiar feeling slowly growing inside of him, ever since all of them came to visit him. He was afraid. Afraid of that feeling. Afraid of feeling that feeling again, and get hurt again. To be honest, at some point he had welcomed the darkness, but during the time before he could accept it, it had hurt, badly. The way the darkness swallowed first his heart and afterwards him himself was just painful. Every day was a new torture. Well, every night was as well. Back then he had hoped for someone to save him, for someone who would love him, but there were only angry people. It was his fault. It wasn't his right to blame anyone. Just his fault. And in the end, the darkness started to comfort him.

He thought about Taehyung and Jungkook for a while. They seemed to really love him. Now. Hoseok had seen the honesty in their eyes, but wasn't it a little too late now? Whatever. He promised himself he would protect them and make them happy and if that means he has to show them affection, well then it should happen. Hoseok couldn't deny it. He really likes Taehyung and Jungkook. He loved Taehyung once, maybe, he couldn't remember anymore. And for sure he had had a crush on the maknae, well maybe. Who knows? He had banned those feelings long ago. The darkness was happy to take those feelings away from him, just to leave pain and emptiness at its place. Hoseok had accepted it. Actually, he even hadn't had have another choice. Taehyung had told him he had to stop. Jungkook showed him he had to stop. The members told him to leave and Jin did nothing, but he forgave them already anyways. All that mattered now was their happiness. Hoseok would care for that until he would leave and when the time comes, he would make sure nobody was in his way.

Hoseok awoke from his deep thoughts as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

ㅡ

[ jimin ]

Jimin put his right hand on his hyung's shoulder. He seemed to be far away in his thoughts. Honestly Jimin was surprised Hoseok already left his room. His hyung looked up to him a little confused. He shook his head and smiled a little at Jimin. However, Jimin saw it wasn't really honest. He just shrugged it off and hugged his hyung.

"Here I am! Let's get ourselves to the practice room!" Jimin beamed and pulled Hoseok up to his feet. Hoseok just nodded as a response. Jimin then pulled Hoseok with him out of the building. Instead of taking the van they just walked all the way to their practice room. As they entered Hoseok heavily sighed. He wanted to leave this world, but he would miss dancing for sure. He looked at everything in the room. He was surprised that absolutely nothing had changed since he had been there the last time. Even the water bottle he had forgotten to take with him was at the same spot. Hoseok turned to face Jimin who was watching him.

"You haven't been practicing?" As Jimin heard Hoseok's question he nodded. He walked over to the computer and turned it on.
"How could we practice without you? It wouldn't be the same. It would just make us cry." Jimin then answered and turned to face Hoseok. Hoseok looked at him, emotionless once again. Jimin had had that weird feeling before. Hoseok was thinking about something pretty intense, but Jimin wasn't as good in reading others faces as Hoseok. He could just guess and his guess didn't have a good end. Jimin suddenly felt cold, he averted his gaze from Hoseok and kept it on the floor.
"I don't understand why you guys always cry." Hoseok said coldly and it made Jimin freeze even more. 'He's right.' Jimin thought. He looked into Hoseok's face again.
"No one of us could have lived without you." Jimin said, hoping it would be enough for his hyung, but of course it wasn't.
"And yet you did for several days." Hoseok said, smirking. Jimin saw it was a smirk covering his sadness. There had been a time when Hoseok had cried because of many things, good or bad. When he was happy and would smirk or smile at them honestly. He had been as bright as the sun. Jimin missed the old Hoseok. "You were able to. To be honest, I wished the doctors wouldn't have been able to save me." Hoseok added. Jimin started shaking a little. He was so sorry.