better there than here | ᴶᴴˢ × ᴹᵞᴳ

XII

[ in the room just seconds before ]

"I love him. I love Hoseok." They looked at each other and started to smile. However Namjoon knew Yoongi's smile was not honest, it was terrified. Yoongi blinked, thought about what he just confessed, averted his gaze and stared at the floor, lost. His feelings confused him to a point where there was no escape from. Namjoon saw it, read it in his body language. Jimin. Hoseok. Jimin. Hoseok. Jimin. There was no escape anymore. Yoongi was lost.

Yoongi closed the door carefully behind him, leaning his back against it, his head still hanging low. Namjoon sat down on his bed, watching the older. Both didn't talk. Namjoon knew Yoongi needed time to realize what he just said. Surely it wasn't easy for the older, who had thought until yesterday he would be in love with Jimin. Maybe he still was. Maybe he was in the same situation as Hoseok, Taehyung and Jungkook had been before. Just maybe, but maybe the older never realized that his feelings changed long ago. Namjoon had watched them all those months. Yoongi and Hoseok. The way they had kept tiptoeing around each other until the day Hoseok decided to shut all of them out of his life completely, even Yoongi. Namjoon was sure Hoseok didn't even know by himself until today. As much as Hoseok always seemed to know everything before everyone else, he didn't seem to understand himself. His attempt to kill himself? A try to flee his confused feelings. Hoseok had been too occupied with his thoughts about Taehyung. Hoseok had loved him, but time changed Hoseok's feelings. Only Hoseok hadn't realized it. Yoongi hadn't been any different. He had been the same with Jimin. The only difference was that Hoseok had been able to stand up again all on his own, Yoongi hadn't. Yoongi had needed Hoseok's help. As simple as it was for Namjoon to see, that much harder it was for either Yoongi or Hoseok. They loved each other. Who knows when it exactly started, but Namjoon was sure some time had passed since then.

ㅡ

[ when taehyung came in ]

Namjoon and Yoongi looked at Taehyung, both blinked at the younger out of confusion. He had entered the room like the devil was haunting him. 'What's with him? Seriously..' Yoongi thought. Taehyung had this certain lost look, like something bad had happened. He tried to form words, but at first nothing could be heard. Both, Namjoon and Yoongi didn't like it. Something had happened for sure, they just had to find out what. Namjoon furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Taehyung with a serious expression. Taehyung looked at both of them, one after another, over and over again, until his eyes finally settled on Yoongi.

"He took them again. Not just one, more of them." Taehyung explained out of breath. 'What?' Yoongi thought, blinking again. He was confused, but soon he started to understand what Taehyung just told them. He looked into the younger's eyes, searching for a hint of a lie, but there was none. Yoongi felt worry and deep regret welling up inside of him. His brain still needed a little time to process all of the information, but as soon as his brain finished its work the worries and the regret inside him were already taking over his whole body. He was shocked. For a few seconds, which felt like eternity he didn't know what to do. 'Move!' he ordered his body, but he didn't move. He needed to get to Hoseok. God knows what happened to him since Taehyung told them. Seconds passed. 'God damn, move!' he continued and finally his body moved. He rushed out of the room. As he reached the doorframe he started looking around the dorm, searching for Hoseok. 'I should have been with him!' he thought while his worries and his regrets grew. 'Why?' he thought. His head spun into the direction of the kitchen as he heard noises coming from there. He rushed over to the kitchen, entering it in the process.

He couldn't believe it. Hoseok stood there, like nothing ever happened, drinking some stupid water. Hoseok blinked at Yoongi, out of confusion apparently. Yoongi stood there in shock. He suspected to meet a dying or already dead Hoseok once again. He stared at Hoseok and Hoseok stared at him. The funny thing was even though he saw Hoseok there, alive, his worries and regrets didn't disappear. They refused to leave his body like an incurable sickness, destroying his body from the inside like cancer. Yoongi blinked again, shaking his head slightly. He couldn't believe it. Maybe all of this was just a dream? Maybe he was deep asleep? But this felt far too real.