better there than here | ᴶᴴˢ × ᴹᵞᴳ

XIX

He slowly opened his eyes just to close them again in hurry. It wasn't bright in the room, the curtains in front of the window kept all the light outside, yet it was a stark contrast to the darkness behind his eyelids. He opened them again, testing if the actually dull room would attack his eyes again, but fortunately it wasn't as bad as before. He blinked a few times as his sight was still blurry from being asleep for quite some time. He had no idea how late it was, but he figured it must have already been the middle of the day as he was able to see the bright glow from around the curtains. His eyes fell closed a few more times as he was still more asleep than actually awake. His body still felt heavy and the temptation of turning around, snuggling into the sheets of Yoongi's bed and just continuing to sleep was strong as he was still tired. He closed his eyes again, ready to give in to the temptation, however, he knew he couldn't just stay in bed all day long, not caring about the world around him. This wouldn't work out.

There was far too much work to do, after all this time they had to get back to practicing on a regular base and eventually surprise their fans with a comeback. After all it was his fault that they had had to keep the fans waiting, however, on the other hand the original plan had been for the other members to just continue without him.

He opened his eyes again, looking around the room and sighing deeply. He slowly sat up, rolling his head while rubbing his neck. He then brought his other hand to his forehead, holding it as he suddenly felt a little dizzy. He shook his head, getting rid of the dizziness and then he finally stood up, stretching his limbs. He took another look around the room before he decided to just wear one of Yoongi's oversized sweaters. He pulled the dark sweater over his head, smiling in contentment as it smelled beautifully like Yoongi. He made his way outside the room over to the bathroom. He stopped in his tracks as suddenly pictures of the past night flooded his mind. He remembered hearing Jimin and Taehyung's whispers coming from the bathroom and Jimin's bloody wrists. He remembered helping the younger back into his bed and Jungkook's worried gazes before his own breakdown. 'Shit.' He thought as he remembered how weak he had been, not able to fight against the pictures in his mind.

The worst part was that he had had to take those sleeping pills again. He felt bad, really bad. He felt like he had broken his promise since he actually promised Yoongi to not take them again. Well, he had been fine. He had been able to sleep without them thanks to Yoongi. Yoongi surely felt hurt due to this. He let out a groan as he remembered Yoongi's worried face. And suddenly he also remembered the locked door. 'Why had Jin hyung's door been locked?' he asked himself, a frown decorating his face. He didn't understand, Jin never locked his door as he usually wanted to be the first one to help the others if anything every happened. Hoseok tried to put the pieces together, or at least remember a reason for Jin's odd behavior, though his head started to feel heavy and his vison started to spin. He closed his eyes tightly, hoping the unwanted feeling would leave him as fast as it came, but it didn't. He brought his hand to his forehead, holding it as he felt himself slowly falling to his left. He took a step back and put his hand against the wall, trying to keep himself up. He then leaned against the wall as well as his head, taking some deep breaths in. He had no idea what was happening, but those sleeping pills surely took their toll on him this time.

He waited for some time before he started moving again, wondering where anybody was as he couldn't hear any noises. 'Did they leave without me?' he asked himself in his thoughts. He couldn't keep the guilt from flooding through his veins, and the dark thoughts to blossom in his mind. Maybe he had gotten a bother to them again? Maybe the previous night made them realize how much of a burden he really was? He just hoped it wasn't the case, though he couldn't stop the thoughts as there was basically nobody there to keep them away. The silence just confirmed his worries.

He tried to ignore the silence and the voices in his head and just walked over to the bathroom. He tried to get rid of the thoughts that maybe the others finally grew sick of him again, but it was getting harder with each second he spent in silence. After he closed the door to the bathroom behind him he suddenly started singing, hoping his own singing would be enough to make the silence bearable. It didn't help, but he liked to tell himself that it did.

He washed his face with cold water, hoping this would also help him, and then he looked around the room as he didn't find a towel. He then noticed some blood on the tiled floor and pictures of him taking care of Jimin's cuts from the last night flooded his mind. He remembered how shocked he had been at first, and also how worried he had been. It had been terrifying to see someone so important in so much pain. He also remembered the terrified look on Taehyung's face as he had been completely overwhelmed by the situation. Hoseok definitely didn't want to see anything like that ever again.

He wanted to see their smiles, he graved for their smiles. He wanted their happiness, though he had no idea how he was supposed to make sure they'd always be happy, especially not after what happened the last night. He needed to know what happened to Jimin and why he decided to hurt himself that badly. Hell, he could have killed himself. Hoseok had just been relieved the cuts hadn't been that bad and that he had been able to treat them, but just a little deeper and Hoseok would have had to get the ambulance. The memories of Jimin's blood stained wrists hunted trough his mind and he started to feel dizzy again. 'Those pills surely fucked me up.' Hoseok thought as he gripped the sink tightly.

"Hobi?" he suddenly heard a worried voice calling from outside and he flinched at the sudden noise. He took some deep breaths in before he walked over to the door, opening it just to find Yoongi outside, looking at him with a smile. Though, Hoseok could see the worry in the elder's eyes and he couldn't shake of the feeling that the older was indeed disappointed. "I came to check up on you, but you were gone." Yoongi stated, bringing his both hands up to Hoseok's cheeks to caress them. Hoseok looked down at the shorter male, smiling slightly as the feeling of love blossomed inside him again. Yoongi was beautiful and Hoseok loved him with all he was. He wanted to keep the younger save, though he had no idea how whenever it came to himself.
"I just needed to wash my face." Hoseok explained as he wrapped his arms around Yoongi's waist. Yoongi chuckled quietly as he leaned against Hoseok's chest, closing his eyes and enjoying the moment. Hoseok smiled slightly, kissed the top of Yoongi's head and then leaning his head against Yoongi's.

They stood there like that for some time, and suddenly the silence wasn't able to hurt Hoseok any longer. The voices in his mind vanished and all he concentrated was on the feeling of their bodies against each other and the love that radiated around them. And then Namjoon suddenly stood somewhere behind Yoongi, watching them with a smile.
"I'm sorry to destroy your sweet moment." Namjoon started, smiling at Hoseok as he raised his head to look at the slightly younger male. Yoongi then turned his head to look at Namjoon as well. "I really am, but Yoongi, we need you in the kitchen." Namjoon added.
"Why?" Yoongi asked, obviously confused and a little angry that he couldn't have one quite minute with Hoseok. Hoseok on the other hand didn't know what he should think of all this.
"To talk." Namjoon simply stated before he looked directly at Hoseok. "Hobi, why don't you get dressed and then accompany us as well?" Namjoon suggested and then walked back.

Yoongi sighed. Hoseok could tell the older was annoyed as he turned around and his usual grumpy expression on his face. Hoseok chuckled at that before he leaned down to press a brief kiss against the elder's lips.
"I'll be there in a few minutes." Hoseok stated. Yoongi just nodded his head. He then turned around and followed Namjoon back onto the kitchen. For a moment Hoseok felt out of place even though he couldn't tell why. He was supposed to go back to his room and change, but something told him to follow the others. They didn't have to know he's there though.