better there than here | ᴶᴴˢ × ᴹᵞᴳ

VIII

'What's with that noise all out of a sudden? Why is it so damn loud!?' he thought. He didn't want to open his eyes, he knew there would be light. He wanted darkness. Comforting darkness, in which he could sleep for as long as he wanted. Why does he have to wake up? Again? Why can't they just let him sleep, let him rest. Just for once. He was still tired. There was no way he would open his eyes, but then there was another sound. One that caused him to be curious, one that made him open his eyes.

Hoseok slowly opened his eyes. He looked at the man sitting on his bed, crying. 'What the..!?' were his only thoughts right at that moment. He sat up, took Namjoon's hands in his own and caressed them. He also noticed the two other boys beside his bed and another three at his door. They were all staring at him. 'Why?' Hoseok wiped away Namjoon's tears with one hand. Why was everyone in his room? And why did they stare at him? Was he sleep talking or something?
"Joonie-ah. What happened?" Hoseok asked and that was the moment when Namjoon raised his head, he stared at Hoseok and immediately stopped to cry. Hoseok blinked at their leader, he didn't understand. What had happened?
"Y-you're.. alive." Namjoon whispered. It was totally quiet in the room, nothing else but Namjoon whispers could be heard. Hoseok blinked again, maybe he was still too tired to understand what happened here. Or maybe he was still asleep and dreaming something strange.
"Yes. Why shouldn't I?" he asked quietly. He stopped caressing Namjoon's hand and looked to his left where Jin and Yoongi were. Yoongi sighed in relief, looking into Hoseok's eyes.
"I found the package with the sleeping pills. I thought you tried to kill yourself again.. a-and when Namjoon tried to wake you up again and again you wouldn't even move an inch." Yoongi explained.
"You.. uhm.. you looked so lifeless." Jin added to Yoongi's explanation. Hoseok looked at them, still slightly confused. Then he sighed. He looked at Namjoon and smiled a little. He looked over to the three boys at the door and smiled at them as well. He knew that now was the time to tell them. Well, no. They actually already know, but whatever.
"No, I just can't sleep. I'm sorry I worried you, but I guess you will have to learn to live with me taking those pills." Hoseok said. All eyes were on him and he knew they were judging him once again. He lowered his head and looked at his hands which were still connected with Namjoon's. He pulled his hands away and stared down at them. He closed his eyes and searched for a save place inside his mind.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his cheek, a caressing one. Hoseok looked up, wanting to know to whom the hand belonged. He saw Taehyung smiling at him. Namjoon then took Hoseok's hands in his own again.
"Don't worry, Hobi hyung. We'll take care of you. You will be able to sleep again! I promise! We promise!" Taehyung said before he hugged Hoseok tightly.
"And from now on, until you're able to sleep without them again, I will give you the pills! I'll make sure you only get them when you really need them. And in a dose were we don't have to worry that you might never ever wake up again." Hoseok heard Seokjin's explaining in a nagging voice. Hoseok smiled a little, he kind of felt something like happiness inside him. He was afraid. Afraid of happiness. Nothing frightened him more. He didn't want to be happy, because happiness was fragile and could be destroyed easily. And nothing hurt more than destroyed happiness. Hoseok knew it too well, but maybe, just maybe he had to risk it once again.

A few seconds later every single member was on Hoseok's bed, they were all cuddling and talking. Hoseok felt like he arrived at home. He didn't want to feel like that. However, he decided, just for once he would enjoy the feeling.

After they ate breakfast together, they were playing games and sometime later Jimin and Jungkook decided to go over to the practice room. Seokjin decided to go grocery shopping with the manager. That left Hoseok, Namjoon, Yoongi and Taehyung at the dorm.

ㅡ

[ namjoon ]

Namjoon was sitting on the couch, watching TV. Well, not really, but to others it seemed like he was. He was actually thinking, thinking about his members, thinking about his one sided love, but soon his thoughts drifted back to their fight. Back then he hadn't been any better than the others. All of them wanted Hoseok to leave. Why? He couldn't even remember. There was one big fight and several little fights and at some point everyone turned against Hoseok. Namjoon cursed at himself every day again. He should have been the one helping Hoseok, instead he was mad at the older. How could he?