better there than here | ᴶᴴˢ × ᴹᵞᴳ

XVI

Time passed by far too fast in Hoseok's opinion. Minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days and they eventually turned into weeks. It had now been two full weeks since he and Yoongi had spent the night at the recording studio and ever since then everything had just been good. Well, more than good, it had been perfect. Everything seemed to have changed completely from Hoseok's living hell to a beautiful dream that he would never want to wake up from. He loved the peace in which everything seemed to be embraced in, he loved it, he enjoyed it and yet at the same time he feared it.

He was afraid he would get used to it again. He was afraid that one day he would wake up and everything would fall back into the darkness he had been pulled out from just a while ago, reveal that it all had been just a dream. Well, sometimes he thought he had managed to escape the darkness, but during the moments he spent alone, the darkness would creep up on him, always reminding him that it would never be gone and would hunt him forever, lingering behind Hoseok, waiting for a weak moment to strike again. Hoseok knew he would never be able to live without it, but sometimes he really considered trying to let go just for the sake of the other members. Even if it was just for a short time. He would at least try to change for them, even if he didn't know if it was the right thing to do. Even they seemed to have changed, just like in the 'old times'. Everything seemed to be at ease and so the members seemed to be at ease as well. There was nothing they would be fighting or complaining over. It was actually pretty nice. They were just living their everyday lives, without thinking of all the things they were supposed to do. They enjoyed the time they got with each other. Another thing that Hoseok feared getting used to again was spending so much time with the others. There were days when he wouldn't be alone from the moment he woke up until the one when he went back to bed, falling asleep beside the man he loved the most, Yoongi.

Yoongi. He was another aspect of his life he was afraid of now, more than ever before. Yoongi showed him so much love and even peace, yet so many other things to worry about. Of course Yoongi didn't know about any of Hoseok's fears since Hoseok would never talk about them. Yes, Yoongi knew Hoseok was keeping things from him, but he wouldn't force the younger to actually talk to him. To be honest, Yoongi was afraid he would hurt Hoseok in some ways again. Yoongi loved Hoseok, with all his heart, but Hoseok was still so fragile and Yoongi knew he usually wasn't one to be careful. Hoseok, however, was so torn inside. He didn't know what to do anymore. He promised himself that he would one day leave, one way or another, but nowadays it was just too hard for him. Not only Yoongi made it almost painful for him to think about leaving, but all of them.

He just fell in love for everything again, starting from all the beautiful smiles to the sweet words. He grew used to Seokjin's cooking again and at some point he didn't even understand anymore why he had ever refused to eat it. Yes, he had been hurt by the older, by everyone, but refusing to eat Jin hyung's food was simply just a crime. Honestly, how had he ever been able to say 'no'? It was heaven on earth. The way Seokjin would serve his food to them with that angelic smile, was like an invitation to heaven. Hoseok had really missed it and during those last two weeks he just noticed how much it really had meant to him to be greeted by Seokjin's smile during the early morning hours before they would have to get ready and over to their practice room. Hoseok also grew used to the oldest member's caring words again. From the way Jin would encourage him to do whatever to the compliments for Hoseok's looks or his skills. Hoseok would always find himself blushing at that, he had simply forgotten how nice it felt to listen to Jin's soothing voice and all the beautiful words that would leave his mouth. In those moments Hoseok was able to forget that even bad and hurtful words could leave his hyung's mouth. But, who was he to judge anyways? Jin was an angel and Hoseok started asking himself if he had just been imagining the older saying all those hurtful words, even though Jin was the one saying pretty much nothing compared to the others. Hoseok had long ago forgiven him, probably at the moment Jin had said it, but now that Hoseok was here, enjoying reality, he was just reassured that he had made the right decision. Forgiving Jin was essential for him and for his heart just as much.