better there than here | ᴶᴴˢ × ᴹᵞᴳ

XXIV

Days passed by and everything felt unusually calm to them. Every one of them felt it and it was low-key terrifying them, starting as a small fear within their hearts until it took over their whole beings. They indeed felt happy about the calm for once, with nothing troubling happening, but for some reasons all of them felt the warning within the calm as well. As if a war was about to arise and the calm was just waiting for destruction to take its place, replace the harmony they enjoyed for once with something poisonous. Neither of them wanted to feel that way, and guilt was what was washing through their bodies. Maybe they were just getting paranoid due all the things that had happened throughout the weeks before. Too much has happened, and not enough was happening now. They just kept on waiting throughout the calm, waiting for something to come their way and destroy what little they had left from a life that was once nothing but routine, day in, day out, day in, day out. Life had been a constant to them, but after all the things they had done, all the scars and wounds they had caused their lives to suffer they assumed neither of their lives would be one smooth constant anymore but, rather a stony way with too many abysses awaiting them.

Looking back was something they shouldn't do, they knew there was no point in doing so as life was heading towards the future anyways. However, looking back, comparing their past to their present was easier than looking into the future which was dark and unknown. There was just that itchy feeling left, a warning, but neither of them understood.

For once even Hoseok felt like he was content with life again. The company had told them they would take up on their schedules again as their fans had been waiting far too long. Hoseok felt guilty, he knew it was his fault, but he never voiced it out loud. He kept it in, just like so many other things. He knew he should have kept himself from being so stubborn and weak from the beginning. 'If I'd just have been a little stronger..' he thought day after day, blaming himself for making their fans wait and the other members' lives miserable. Of course, this way he finally found his way into Yoongi's heart, but he couldn't stop telling himself that all of this maybe could have happened in a less painful way, and that wouldn't have threatened their lives. If he would have been strong enough neither of them would have been hurting, especially Jimin, who went as far as hurting himself the same way Hoseok tried to end his life. He was still glad he had found them back there in the bathroom, but he couldn't blaming himself every night when he way lying awake beside Yoongi who was clinging onto him in his sleep.

However, through all the worries, the blaming, thoughts and wishes he couldn't stop being in awe every time he watched Yoongi sleep. He loved Yoongi more than he was ready to admit, and he was sure he had loved the older for a very long time already. Other questions hunted his thoughts every night as he watched Yoongi: 'What if me and Tae wouldn't have made those mistakes?' He knew the answer was pretty much that all the troubles wouldn't have existed in the first place. Sometimes he wished to go back, to make it all good, to make Taehyung understand in a way that would hurt neither of them. He loved the younger without a doubt, but maybe if he would have been just the slightest bit smarter he would have realized his own feelings for his pale hyung sooner. However, on the other hand Yoongi himself was still holding on onto a love that wasn't true either. The both of them had allowed themselves to be fooled by ideas and ideals that had felt right at that time, ignoring the truth that had been hunting them from probably the first day they had met.

Hoseok reached over to Yoongi once again, caressing his cheek as he was in deep slumber. The older pouted in his sleep as Hoseok wanted to pull his hand back. Hoseok let out a soft chuckle, his hand reaching back for the elder's soft cheeks, and with a smile he pulled the other closer with his other hand. Yoongi immediately nuzzled into his neck, and Hoseok couldn't stop himself from cooing at the other. Yoongi was always sweet, even when he was acting all tough and grumpy. However, when Yoongi was asleep and nothing was holding him back he was even sweeter. Hoseok often got lost in watching the older, no matter what he did. Yoongi could be working on songs, staring at computer screens for hours and Hoseok would still think every second was the most interesting one.