better there than here | ᴶᴴˢ × ᴹᵞᴳ

XX

It's not like he wanted to follow them, it was more like that something at the back of his head told him to follow them, and listen to them without them being aware that he was there as well. He had felt that something was off the moment Namjoon had appeared, and his subconsciousness simply wanted him to follow and check on whatever was going on. He knew if anybody would watch him they would ask themselves if he really doubted them so much, if his trust in them was really that small. The answer was: no, his trust wasn't small at all, well, not anymore. It once had been at a minimum, had been almost gone. Maybe, it had been gone after all, but throughout the past few weeks, now months, the others had made sure to gain back his trust. And now he trusted them wholeheartedly; however, trust didn't necessarily mean that he couldn't check on them, especially when he was so sure that something was going on.

Additionally to that he still felt terrible from the night before and the realization that his eldest hyung was acting really weird. In fact, all of them were somehow acting really weird, after all Jimin had basically tried to commit suicide. Well, he tried and fortunately he failed. Hoseok was sure though that Jimin would have never been able to go through with it. He knew Jimin too well, and he knew that Jimin, if he ever wanted to end his life for sure, wasn't one to end it in such a crappy way. Jimin knew better than that, and Hoseok knew Jimin loved life as a whole far too much to ever pull such a stupid act ever again. Hoseok was just relieved that he had found Jimin and Taehyung in time, though he was now pretty sure that the pictures and the memories were what triggered his breakdown right afterwards.

Yoongi really must have been so disappointed. Hoseok couldn't even think about it, the thought alone hurt him so much he felt like his heart was tearing apart. Hoseok didn't remember much from the previous night as he had been in pain and basically forcing himself to stay relatively calm, though what he remembered for sure was the pain and the worry in the eyes of his beloved Yoongi. God, he loved him so much, and he was so grateful that Yoongi had been there, that he had never even once left his side. Hoseok was so grateful for all the love the older provided him with, though at the same time he felt so terribly guilty. Guilt had never been something Hoseok had been good dealing with, and just at that very moment his whole body reminded him of that fact.

He was following them, quietly and carefully in order to not let them know he was there, to leave them in the belief that he was changing his clothes. Though it was so very hard as his legs wouldn't stop shaking. As soon as Yoongi had let go of him he had felt the dizziness return, and his vision blur. This wasn't good at all. As he arrived at the door he kept hiding behind the wall. He held onto the wall with one of his hands, trying to keep himself steady on his legs while all he actually wanted to do was to call for Yoongi's help. He turned al little and leaned his back against the wall, and soon after his head as well. He closed his eyes and then just listened, ignoring the dizziness in his head and the slowly darkening vision before his eyes.

ㅡ

"What is this all about?" Yoongi asked as he walked into the kitchen, completely unaware of the fact that Hoseok was indeed listening to them. He looked around the room, taking a look at each of the faces of the other members. Namjoon then let out a deep sigh and the others seemed to tense at that immediately.
"We need to find an end to this, a solution." Namjoon stated, leaning back against the kitchen counter with his arms folded before his chest. The others nodded at that and Yoongi knew what all this was about, though he didn't think it was the right time.
"Joonie's right. We can't go on like this; he can't go on like this." Seokjin let out after he sighed heavily. Yoongi watched him as the eldest looked down to the floor, obviously hardly trying to not think about the previous night.
"I know, but last night was the first time he was actually awake." Yoongi muttered, shaking his head slightly at the memory.
"He had been awake?" Jungkook asked in shock. He hadn't known about the fact that Hoseok had been awake during his breakdown. During all his past breakdowns throughout the past few weeks he had always been asleep and fortunately had never woken up. All of them had been really grateful for that fact, because none of them wanted him to suffer through all of this while being awake. They were also grateful that Hoseok had Yoongi, because he was basically the only one who managed to make Hoseok calm down even while being asleep. Yoongi's mere presence while Hoseok's breakdowns worked wonders, and he was the only reason Hoseok even managed to fall asleep without those pills in the first place
"Yeah, he was." Yoongi muttered, looking over at Jungkook who just stared at him in return before his gaze drifted to his hands which were entangled with Jimin's.