Autistic Innocence

Chapter Twenty Two

Justin's P.O.V

"How are you feeling now baby girl?" I whisper to Avalanna who was laying in my arms as the doctors swarmed around us, around her, running some more tests. "S-sleepy." Her eyes kept dozing off but every time she came close to falling asleep, I would bounce her lightly and ask more questions or make exciting conversations just to keep her awake long enough for them to finish whatever they were doing to her. I pouted and wipe some stray hairs away from her forehead and place a kiss to her temple. "I know baby, daddy's sleepy too, but we have to wait until they're done then me and you can go night night." I try to reason with her. "Where's Cameron and L-Lilly?" Her voice was small and quiet. I stiffen slightly. It's been an hour since our little heated exchange of words that had occurred earlier and they hadn't been in contact with me since. "Um, there just getting ready to go night night too, they'll be here in a little bit if they aren't asleep already." I lie right through my teeth. Why did I lie? Bessie if I told my daughter the truth, about everything, about what I did, why I did it and what I said, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Especially when she's already confused and sick and in pain as it is. "Daddy?" Her voice snaps me back to reality and away from my thoughts. "Yeah princess?" I ask and give her my undivided attention.

"Why did God let this happen to me?"

Cameron's P.O.V

"Lilly! Come on Lils come down so I can talk to you." I call for my little sister who was hiding away at the top of the in door playground in the hospital, in one of the bright green tubes. I hear her sniffle again and feel my heart getting heavier and heavier with watching that passes. "Come on Lilly, please don't make me come all the way up there, you know my knee isn't very strong." I say the last part quiet and gentle. After a couple of silent moments pass by, I hear her start to come closer to where I was. When I see her small face come into view I smile lightly and swoop her into my arms before she can protest. She whined and tried to push away from me but I held her tightly and walked over to one of the empty chairs in the empty playground since it was already really late at night. I sit down and bring my little sister into my lap to where she's facing me. "Hey, what happened back there, it was nothing, okay? It was just me and juju saying some silly words that he didn't mean." I try to explain the concept of what Justin said carefully to her. She wiped her puffy eyes with her fist cutely. "No, juju said God was dead!" Her lip began to wobble. "A-and you told me God never dies! Y-you said God is good all the time!" She tried to get her point across the only way she knew how to word it. "And all the time, God is good." I whisper in reply to her last sentence as I wipe the tears away from her cheeks. "Listen Lilly, I would never lie to you and you know that. It's always been just me and you. And just you and me," I say.

"Maybe coming to Justin was a mistake."

She looks up at me with wide, watery eyes. "S-so where do we go now bubba?" She asks innocently. I smile sadly at her. That's all she was. Innocent. She was just the innocent little girl that was stuck with her messed up older brother. "Maybe it should go back to just being me and you. There were a lot less problems that way, huh?" I lightly nudge her shoulder to lighten the intense mood. She smiled lightly but it looked forced. "Are we going back to our old life?" She asks me and leaned her head against my chest. I wrap my jacket around her body and hold her a little closer to me.

"I think that's what's best." I answer.

"I like our new life though bubba." She yawns. I nod. I know she did. I liked our new life better to, I just don't think it's the right fit for us. Not right now. "I know baby, but this is best for everybody right now, besides if we leave right now we can make it on the last subway running downtown, we can get whatever you want tomorrow." I bribe. Lilly, being the little oblivious girl she is, eyes widen and she starts to get excited. "Really?" I smile and nod. "Of course but we have to hurry." She jumps up and puts her shoes on. "What about juju and Ava?" She pauses and looks at me. "We'll see them tomorrow." I lie. She nods and I tie her shoes before grabbing her small hand in mine and sneaking out of the hospital and running to the subway where we also had to sneak into, and begin our old life once again.

I didn't need to be scared and I knew that. I knew I would be okay because I had everything I needed in order for me to be okay.

I had my sister.

I had my street smarts.

I had ideas.

I had God.

And I had come back a hell of a lot stronger...