Finding Lily

41- Alex

The rain was over after one hour. It had been windy and heavy the entire time, chilling my bones, freezing my resolve. The lightning was gone after two, taking away any chance I had of clearly seeing the condition Luke was in. The waves lingered the longest. I didn't let go of Luke until it was ankle deep again, three hours after the storm had begun.

"I'm sorry, Sara." He had mumbled the same thing over and over again as we fought the storm. He passed out a couple of times but always came back. Now, as I slowly lowered him to the ground, he said it again.

"It's ok," was my strained response.

I positioned him in my lap again, between my legs, his back against my chest. His head rested in the crook of my shoulder beside my neck and I wrapped an arm around him, keeping him secure.

My body felt like jello. I wasn't sure how I was able to keep using muscles that had been depleted. Still, somehow, I was able to keep protecting Luke. Despite the bruises, the fatigue, the soreness, I had enough energy to save his life. It wasn't out of guilt or obligation. It didn't matter that he had saved my life before. I needed him to stay alive. I needed him.

Luke rested for an hour like that. Hearing his deep breathing was music to my ears. It was all the motivation I needed to keep pushing myself.

Eventually, he had the strength to support himself. He climbed next to me and sat close, bracing himself against the metal and looking at me with gratitude. His eyes raked my body and pain flashed in his eyes at the sight of the bruises covering my arms.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah. Just need to rest a little bit." I shot him a reassuring smile.

"Thank you."

"No problem."

The sea was still cold. The part of my body not submerged was still damp, the wind making the temperature feel ten degrees colder. We had a damn good chance of getting pneumonia if we ever made it out.

"How are you feeling?" I asked Luke. The sea had cleaned off any residual blood from his face and arms.

"My head is killing me but other than that I'm fine." His voice was too chirpy. I knew he was downplaying it. With the beating he took, he must at least have some bruised ribs. His nose looked crooked and he had all of the signs of a severe concussion. In other words, he was not fine.

"I called you Sara last night didn't I?" Luke asked suddenly. I nodded, surprised that he knew. "I've been told I do that in my sleep sometimes. Apparently I'm still carrying around some guilt."

I wanted to reassure him. I wanted to remind him that it wasn't his fault. But after this long, he must have heard those same phrases at least a hundred times.

"I think no matter how it happened I would still find a way to make it my fault." Luke continued. "I imagine you feel the same way about Jane."

I snapped my head to the side to look at him. "I know Jane wasn't my fault."

Luke faltered but pressed on. "I figured that's why you've been so hell bent on revenge. Cause you felt guilty that you couldn't protect her."

"Nope. Just want justice. That's all." Pissed, I slid to the opposite end of the cage closest to the water. I stuck my legs out of the wide bars and sat cross-legged while holding on with my arms for extra support. The sun was just beginning to rise behind us, giving the sky some warm orange hues. All of the storm clouds from last night had passed, leaving in its wake some cirrus clouds, thin and light, like wispy white brushstrokes against an early morning sky.

My mind stirred, not able to ignore Luke's last words. Any guilt that I could have for Jane's death passed as soon as Daniel admitted fault. He was the reason Felix attacked us. He was the reason they killed her and almost killed me. So what could I even have to feel guilty about?