Journal

Black out

I rise,
One swift motion to my feet,
The darkness consumes me,
My legs numb as my body drifts further away from my mind,
My arms sag as gravity takes pull,
My head tumbles further towards the floor,
My heart aches with a sharp stabbing pain,
It bleeds out in sorrow,
It cries to my dulled brain,
"Catch yourself before its too late,"
    "Catch yourself damn it!"
But my mind heeds no response,
The shards of a thousand broken mirrors fill my lungs,
Every breath wreaking havoc on my chest,
I swell with the doubt of anyone listening,
   "No one will help you"
My lips speak to me,
   "No one will ever help you"
And so I'm falling,
The ground rising to meet my jaw line,
The crashing sound of a body hitting the ground echoes off bare walls,
My eyes roll back,
Nothing to see but the black of loneliness,
The dank underground of my own narrow minded sorrow,
No one catches me,
No one ever will,
The doubt consumes me,
It creeps from one side of my body to the other,
The jerking muscle spasms stop,
They're now slumbering heavily,
My body sleeps paralyzed by my inability to escape depression,
It sweeps through every fiber of my being,
She's gone,
There's no one to combat the sorrow and guilt and pain,
There's only me,
Myself,
And I,
Forever struggling to live in a world where I'm dragged along into the daily monotony,
Like a machine I do my job,
I march the halls,
I print the papers,
I accomplish the last thing I know is sure,
Wait until it's over,
It's so close,
The black out is near,
I will take me away from here,
So far away,
From the pains,
From the hurts,
From the loneliness,
And so I drift away,
   My body numb,
     My eyes blinded,
       My mind dull,
         I black out.
           I'm gone.