Journal

Tonight

Tonight I fly
In the dark of the night I'll steal away
Crunching and crawling through the brush
The soft moan of wind through the trees hum over me
The chatter of crickets cackle
I know the drill
I've thought it over and it will be beautiful
This is what I want
I'm not absolute in my decision
But nothing in this world is truly that way
Everything is chance
And this one I'm willing to take
I make it to the water tower
Its there
A large hulking white beacon amongst the dense woodland
This is where tree meets the cold steel of metal
Where my thoughts bounce around in my head
I'll sit here every once and awhile
Sometimes to cry
Sometimes to laugh
Sometimes to simply enjoy the view
But this time will be different
I regret the day
She told me she didn't love me
Her words like needles to my heart
Using me as a pin cushion they skewer my love
Breaking me from the inside
Tearing me into pieces
I lie here broken thinking about it
She doesn't deserve a boy like me
Someone who tries forever
Someone who comforts when needed
Someone who will always be there when you call
Someone like I try to be
I recognize my imperfection
But you won't have me
The way you treat people
You only talk when you need then
You ask them to fix you when you're broken
Only to forget they're just as badly hurt
You won't find a forever because you won't change the way you search
We had a forever because you tried
It didn't matter who was broken
We fixed it over and over and over
I don't know if it the medicines for your mind
Or simply you lost faith
But we had real
We had enduring love
It wasn't puppy love
This was real
And you gave up when things got hard
It seems the more I try the less you do
But I can't fix you if you won't let me
And I'm just as broken
So instead of putting back together my pieces
Tonight I lie under the stars
Soft music in the background
Bright lights in the sky
Reminding me of us
I'm not staying any longer sadly
My patience is thin and my wounds are open
I sharpen the blade that will aid me
His name is "beauty"
Because much like you
Looks are deceiving and it will end me
I won't see the morning
My eyes may remain open to the sky
But my lips sealed
And my soul numb
I'm gone
My red waves crash against the litter of the ground
My skin is stained
Clothes tainted with blood
Light leaving my eyes
Color from my face
Breath from my lungs
And life from this world.