Journal

I Lie Awake to Watch Your Stars

The cold air fills my lungs,
The dark sky lit less so than it was when we'd watch it together,
The nights are harder for me you know,
They're longer,
Painfully so,
When I sit outside to see the stars sometimes,
I think of what we used to have,
What we used to be,
Now every night and every morning,
I cry knowing I messed that up,
I put all my faith into thinking it was true love,
Undying,
Forever love,
I believed in you,
When you promised me,
Do you remember?
But sometimes I guess things get in the way,
Sometimes the stars become a constant reminder,
They no longer whisper sweet lullabys to me on my sleepless nights and fill my dreams of you,
The speak to me,
Chastising me so,
"You did this you know,
You're the reason she's broken on the inside,
It's all your fault,"
And I believe them,
Mainly because what cause would a star have to lie to me,
I didn't insult the stars,
I always came out to visit them,
But I suppose they are right,
It's my fault isn't it,
All my fault...,
If I could I'd fix it,
While my stars are long since dulled over,
They don't shine like they used to when I saw you,
The stars in my eyes I mean,
Because we're all really stars,
And yours shine for a new boy,
I can't help that,
I should leave it be,
You can be happy with his stars,
I'm sure they shine for you,
Who's wouldn't?
You're so amazing,
And wonderful,
And creative,
But now you're gone,
My sky's have darkened it seems,
From a bright filled sky to a single extinguishing star,
When it bursts I'll be left alone you know,
Cold and frightened,
I'm afraid to be alone,
I'm afraid to be left in the dark,
I fear what lies there to be awakened,
But you're happy at least,
So there's hope for your stars to shine so bright,
Maybe they'll shine like they used to for me,
Maybe one day the damage I've caused will cease to hurt,
All I can do is hope for you,
Beleive in your stars,
For they are beautiful.