I love the things you hate about yourself (Brendon Urie X Reader)

Why?

After the get together with Brendon at the Starbucks I finally have some hope that I won't be so lonely or sad. 'Oh he's just gonna use you'. 'He doesn't like fangirls like you'. 'You're nobody to him just a little sex toy'. My depression always makes things a million times worse and instead of being sad, I was furious so furious I turned red until I suddenly blurted out "Omg can you stop always doing this to me you can't always do this, I should have more POWER OVER MY FUCKING SELF!" All of a sudden I flashed back into reality everyone was staring at me with a puzzled and digusted look on their faces. I immediatly turn redder as I see their eyes come on contact with me. "Are you ok, (Y/N) idk what happened to you. Were you talking to me?" Brendon whispered looking concerned. "C-can I talk to y-you o-outside." I finally managed to speak but I studdered pretty badly. "Of course." He said with a puzzled look. We both went outside to talk. "Hey you haven't payed yet!" the hostess said pretty angered. "We'll be right back we just need to talk." "But sir." "I said we'll be right back, now I'm concerned about my old friend and if you aren't I suggest you just go back inside!" Brendon hollared. I've never seen him so angry before. Not even back at highschool when he couldn't perform 'I write sins not tragedies' at the school's talent show. "Ok, now what happened (Y/N)." Brendon said turning to me with a stern look on his face. "Ok promise you won't tell anyone about this. I mean it's not like you can humiliate me even more 'I have nobody'." You said but mumbled the last part. "Ok ok I promise." He said that while crossing his arms and at that moment you saw his wedding ring and thought 'well there's no turning back now'. You sighed heavily and blinked for a good 5 seconds. "A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with depression." You felt your eyes tearing up and continued. "Beacuse I was diagnosed my doctor gave me some pills to help. When really it makes it worse." You said in a weary voice. "I get voices in my head that makes the depression into anger, fear, and envy. I was thinking about finally having a friend." I felt steamy tears run down my face. "A-and the voices they made it seem as if y-you would use me. I-I didn't want to believe them so I s-screamed and when I came back to reality I now believe them. The way they l-looked at m-me." I bursted into tears and as I was slipping down to the ground Brendon picked me up. "Hey hey it's ok and you do have somebody....me." He quickly hugged me and kissed my forehead. 'Why the hell did he do that' I thought for a second or two but I stopped thinking about that and just enojoyed the moment. I loved his hugs he was wearing a grey sweater because it was around the beginning of winter. As he was hugging me, I felt as if I was wrapped in a cozy blanket sitting next to the fire. He was the fire and the sweater (obviously) the blanket. He finally looked up he had some tears on his face too. 'Why?' I thought to myself in confusion.