Close As Lovers

Bonus #1

CORRESPONDS TO CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Song: Mess I Made- Parachute

Wes

She still loved me.

After everything I had put her through, she still had the capability to love me. And I hated myself for it.

All I had wanted to do was tell her the truth. I wanted to tell her she was wrong, I hadn't done the things she thought I had, I wanted to tell her how I had protected her endlessly and did everything I could to keep them away from her, but if I did, I was risking her life. The hard truth I had to face was that I had no idea the things they were capable of-- how badly they could hurt her. I would rather her be angry with me and end up resenting me for the rest of her life than have to see her hurt or even worse, dead because I couldn't keep her safe.

When she left, the broken pieces of my heart were carried away in her small, soft hands. No matter how badly I wanted to, I knew I just needed to let her go. She needed to cool off and I knew she would come back. They had eyes everywhere, on her and I, and if I had run after her, God only knows what they would've done if they knew I was still in love with her.

But boy, did the regret seep into my veins when she didn't come back.

Panic hung over me like an ominous cloud, and every hour, I started leaving voicemails. I tried to hide my worry with generic messages, but with each hour that passed, more emotions began seeping through the front I had put up. I needed her home. I needed her to be safe.

After days of not hearing from her, I finally heard the sound of her old truck coming up the road, and I nearly dropped to my knees and thanked the Lord above for bringing her home. When I heard her truck shut off, I quickly dashed to my room and hid, waiting for her to walk through the front door. I had expected her to head straight for her room, but Stacy caught her before she could. She hugged Molly, and then I heard Molly's tired voice greet her. They had walked to Molly's room, and I heard the shower running before her footsteps entered her room.

At first, I could hear small mumbles of conversation between the two of them, and the strain in Molly's voice told me she had been crying. Guilt surrounded me. I knew I was the reason she had been crying, but what was there for me to do? I loved that girl more than life itself, but I had to keep her safe before I could love her the way I wanted to and the way she needed me to. I leaned against the wall, trying to comprehend what they were saying, but then suddenly, Molly began sobbing, growing louder with each intake of breath, and I instantly knew what they had been talking about.

Me. And how I had hurt her again.

Each hiccuped sob that escaped her mouth was like a bullet through my heart. I hated myself for not being able to be there for her and tell her that I did love her, that I just wanted to be there, but Andy and Katie were determined to destroy her, and the only way I could protect her from them was to stay away from her. If only she had known how much it was killing me too.

Once Molly had sobered up, I could finally hear parts of their conversation.

"He left me, mom. He left when I needed him most because of dad coming back, and I don't know if he's ever coming back to me." She began sobbing again, and I closed my eyes. I couldn't deny any part of what she had said, even though leaving her was the one thing I never wanted to do. I wanted to hit myself for leaving her when I knew she needed me. Molly would never directly tell me she needed me, but I saw it in her face when her dad came back. She had needed me. And Katie showed up, which gave me no choice but to leave. I listened again, and her next words did me in. "He's breaking my heart everyday, mom."