Close As Lovers

Fifteen.

Song: I Don't Wanna Live Forever- Zayn ft. Taylor Swift

Almost was one of the ugliest words in the English dictionary.

Now, you might be thinking to yourself, why? It was only a word, it didn't have a bad meaning, and in some sentences, it might be seen as encouraging. And you would be right; however, that word also has a sad side, the one people rarely talked about. We almost kissed. We almost fell in love. We almost made it. That version forced you to believe there was a chance, but then crushed it under the weight of its punch. It knocked the wind right out of you and pushed the pain in.

Wes and I were almost. And it seemed like the world was mocking me. It held him close enough to where I could almost grab him again, and then it ripped him away so easily.

Once I returned from the beach, I hopped in the shower to get rid of all the sand. The house was dead silent, but I could hear the faint noise of water running in the other bathroom. I tried to stay in the bathroom for as long as I could. After the day we had at the beach, nothing could prepare me to see him. Eventually, the water grew cold, and I was forced to get out of the shower.

After changing into comfier clothes, I braided my hair and walked to the kitchen. The TV in the living room was blaring as Wes watched The Vampire Diaries-- he would never admit it but he loved that show and was obsessed with Delena-- so I decided to make dinner. I had bought enough ingredients to make garlic rosemary potatoes and steak, so while the steaks were sizzling, I seasoned the potatoes and placed them in the oven. I cooked the steaks, making sure to cook them very well done, seeing as neither Wes or I liked any hints of blood. Once I finished the steaks and took the potatoes out of the oven, I began setting the table.

As I was grabbing plates, Wes walked into the kitchen and sighed in satisfaction. He would never see it, but it made me smile to at least know he appreciated something I did. Once the table was set, the two of us sat down to eat a silent dinner. Neither of us said a word, but the good news was, Wes loved my cooking. At least some parts of me were still loveable to him.

"How did you learn to cook like this?" He asked, finally breaking the silence as he made eye contact.

"After dad left, mom started working more, so I was left to fend for myself," I wiped my mouth with a napkin. "I learned how to cook and whenever mom was home, she taught me some recipes."

He smiled softly. "Maybe one day you could teach me how to cook."

"Yeah..." I mustered up a smile, but I couldn't ignore the way my heart dropped or the lump in my throat. "One day."

The rest of dinner was silent. The tension in the air made the room more uncomfortable than it should've been, and it felt as if I was suffocating. In all the years I had spent with Wes, I had never felt that way, even when we were fighting. Not even when we were enemies. That wasn't us. We were never awkward around each other. Even if we wanted to rip each other's throats out, we could still have a good time, and I think that scared me most-- seeing how quickly things had changed.

Once we finished eating, the two of us silently washed and dried the plates. We were down to the last dish when our hands brushed, freezing us both. I glanced at Wes to see him staring intently at me. His eyes softened as he caught my gaze while my eyes burned with tears, and it shocked us both when a small, faint sob escaped my lips.

I covered my mouth as I looked away from him, but then he whipped me around and removed my hand from my mouth. Worry washed over his face as he caressed my cheek, pulling me closer, and for a second, all he did was stare at me, but then he closed the space between us and crashed his lips against mine. His hands gripped my waist tightly, and mine clasped around his neck to pull him closer.

Wes kissed me softly, as if he was afraid to hurt me, and I melted in his arms. His hands moved to my thighs as he motioned for me to jump, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He walked us towards the bedroom, planting open mouth kisses against my neck, and I ran my hands through his soft brown hair, tugging the nape on his neck as a mangled moan sounded from the back of his throat. He gently laid me down on the bed before hovering over me, taking a few minutes to stare at me as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

Not being able to resist anymore, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him tightly against me as I buried my head in his shoulder. He was shocked at first, but then he grabbed my waist, holding me in his embrace as if it was the last time. We stayed in each other's arms for a couple minutes, and then he pulled away slightly to press a slow, tantalizing kiss against my lips. I tugged at the hem of his shirt, and he pulled away to remove it before kissing me again.

As his lips found their way to my neck, I dragged my fingers through his hair, tugging slightly as he nipped at my skin. He pulled away again to look at me, but this time, I noticed the worry in his eyes, and my heart dropped. He caressed my cheek with his thumb. "Are you sure?"

I faintly smiled at him as I brushed my fingertips against his face and nodded slowly. The ghost of a smile appeared on his lips before they met mine once again.

***

Wes and I were still awake when the sun peeked through the curtains. My head was against his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, and his arms were wrapped around my waist as his hand brushed through my hair. As the wind ruffled the curtains, I could see the waves crashing onto the shore, and the sound of their gentle trips against the sand mixed with Wes' heartbeat brought me a peace I hadn't felt in a long time. I closed my eyes as I snuggled into him more, while his chin rested on top of my head.

"Today's our last day here," He mentioned as he sighed, and I did the same.

"I know," I wrapped my arms tighter around his torso. "I don't want to go back."

The silence returned, and as the air grew thick with tension again, I realized how much I hated the silence. It was hard to believe that just a few days ago, he still loved me and we were still together. I hated how quickly everything could change.

"Can we just forget last night?" He asked, and I glanced up at him, but he couldn't meet my gaze.

"Why?"

"I... It was a mistake. We can't let it happen again."

My heart dropped in my chest, feeling as if it had been ripped out all over again. I didn't want to think about what he could possibly mean by those words.

I wiggled out of his arms and turned away from him. "Oh."

A single tear escaped my eye, and I could see his hand hovering over my shoulder as if he wanted to turn me back towards him, but he pulled it away, causing another tear to trickle down my face. The one person who had meant everything to me, and thought of me as everything too, stopped loving me and saw me as a mistake. It was something my heart couldn't fathom.

But hey, at least I was sober for three days. 

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Hi, loves! 

The original book trailer is attached to this chapter. Thank you for reading!

Much love, 

-Abby