Close As Lovers

Two.

Song: Please Don't Go- Joel Adams

Wes, Journal Entry Two: Getting Things Off My Chest

My Molly.

If only you knew.

If only you knew the truth about everything since the night our friendship ended. I wasn't mad at you for being with that guy (at least not the whole time). I was mad at myself for leaving you alone and breaking my promise. I was mad that instead of making it up to you, I started a fight. I was mad at myself for not telling you the real reason why it enraged me to see you with him. But the thing I'm most mad at myself for is letting you go. Trust me, I've let the guilt for that eat me alive ever since.

If only you knew the truth behind the night you thought I took advantage of you. I still can't tell you now. You're too close to him. Damn, I hate him. You have no idea how uncomfortable it makes me knowing that he managed to slither into your life like that when he's the reason you're traumatized the way you are. One day, I'll tell you the real truth. Hopefully by then, you're mine in the way I always wanted you to be. I'll tell you how even when you thought I hated you most, I was secretly protecting you the best I could. I wish I would've come after you sooner to protect you from the things that happened when all that distance was between us. And I when I finally did get to live with you during high school, all I did was make your life a living hell. I'm sorry. I wish I would've given up the act and told you the truth then. I didn't deserve your kindness. I didn't deserve you in my life at all.

If only you knew that I never wanted to stop talking to you after I went to London, but I had to, because if I didn't, I would've come home before I had even started school and stayed with you for good. I didn't want to disappoint you, though. I wanted you to be proud of me. So, I cut you off and focused on school. The girl I was with was just a distraction because the thought of you was haunting me. I missed you. All I wanted was to be with you. I didn't want to stay an extra year. But I had to better myself so that I could give you a better future if I ever managed to be lucky enough to be the main part of yours. And all those stupid shows and movies you made me watch-- especially Vampire Diaries-- I finally realize why you loved them so much. Because as I sit here gagging about that ship you obsessed over... what was it, Delena? I realize that living a life without you is like Elena after Damon went to the other side, and considering how that turned out... Well, it's not very cash money and I don't want us to have the same fate.

And now, with how I've been treating you lately and the deal we have... If only you knew it was because I'm just a stupid male who doesn't know how to grow some and tell you that I'm in love with you. I'm sitting here, watching you write your own entry, and I just know that whatever you're getting off your chest is something that's been hanging over you for years. I'm sitting here watching you, wondering why in the hell God is still letting you be in my life. You deserve better. I'm the worst thing for you. But not even I can explain how no matter what happens, no matter what comes between us, you're still there.

If only you knew, Molls.

If only you knew it's been you from the start.

***

Molly

"...You need to prepare, Mrs. Clarke. With the state he's in right now, he may not wake up. And if he does, there's a major possibility of amnesia or some sort of damage to the brain."

Not being able to take it anymore, I walked out of Wes' room and stood beside mom as she talked to the doctor. "Is... is he going to make it?"

"Only time will tell." The doctor sighed, and mom wrapped her arm around me, holding me tightly as if I would fall apart right there. "We're doing everything we can to help his condition."

As the tears I had finally rid of began flowing again, mom pulled me closer to her and thanked the doctor before walking back into Wes' room. She sat me down in the chair before sighing, running her fingers through my hair. "I'm going to head home. Nova is there with your David and they both need me."

"It's alright, mom. I'll be okay."

She smiled softly, pressing a kiss against my forehead. "I love you, honey. He'll be okay."

Once mom left, I grabbed Wes' hand again, moving as close to him as I could without hurting him. As the tears fell once again, I closed my eyes and held his hand as tightly as I could, as if it was the last time I'd ever feel his touch. "Please keep fighting." I whispered.

"I will always wait for you."

***

The rain trickled down the hospital window, each drop racing each other to the bottom. The gray sky caste little light into the room, and the only sounds that could be heard beside the patter of the rain was the soft talking from the TV in Wes' room, and the beeping of the machines around him. Thunder rolled quietly through the sky, and suddenly I was being thrown into the last time I had seen a rainy day with Wes.

"Oh no," He groaned, throwing his head back on the couch. "Please, not again. My masculinity is suffering."

I giggled as I plopped down beside him. "You're such a drama queen. It's just a movie!"

"A romantic comedy!" He hissed, shoving me away as I tried to snuggle against him. "You wound my ego, Molls. I am a twenty year old man and I do not deserve to be put through the torment of so many stupid cheesy movies where the girl always gets the boy she pinned after in the end. Have you no respect?"

"Oh, come on! You know how much I love that you watch these with me."

He rolled his eyes. "More like how much you threaten me with death if I don't. Which, by the way, I don't appreciate."

Just as I was about to give him a sarcastic comment back, a loud crack of thunder sounded throughout the house as the lightning illuminated the room, and I shrieked, burying my head in Wes' chest. He chuckled, wrapping his arms securely around me as he stroked my hair. "Still scared of thunder, Molls? And you call me a baby for not wanting to watch your rom-coms."

"Quit laughing, you buffoon. It's a legitimate fear."

"I'm just messing with you." He grew quiet as he pulled me closer, his arms tightening around me. "You know, you don't have to be scared anymore. Not as long as I'm here."

As I looked out the hospital window, watching the little flashes of lightning with his limp hand in mine, I smiled softly as the memory played in my mind. Somehow, even though he wasn't really there then, I was calm. I felt safe. Wes had always been my calm in the worst of storms. And I couldn't imagine the day where he wasn't protecting me from the eye of the storm.

"I wish I could take your pain," I whispered, moving closer to him. "I wish it was me instead of you. I wish I was the one who could've kept you safe this time."

And as I sat there beside him, holding his hand, I realized how much time we had wasted. If I had known that rainy day was possibly the last I would spend with him, I would've stayed in his arms, letting him protect me forever. 

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Hi loves, 

I'm not going to post end notes at the end of chapters unless something needs explained or it's relevant to you guys. All I ask is that you please comment, vote, share, and spread the word about these books. It means so much to me and your support gives me confidence and motivation to continue writing. 

Thank you for reading!

Much love,

-Abby