Pages of Unexpectedness

Jorah x Reader

*This is not art-related. This is something requested by TheNightOcelot.*

Today's the lucky day-- the day you and Jorah get married! You wickedly chuckle as you crack your bony knuckles. You're only marrying him for his rare ability: the ability to produce eggplant blossoms. Those things sell for, like, hundreds of thousands of munny on the purple market.
It took years for you to get close enough to him to manipulate him into marriage. The dummy had no idea how hard you tried to make advances on him, but he was just too innocent to realize you were trying to date him.
Finally, blushing, he asked you if you'd be his waifu. You still remember the moment. You straighten out your expensive shoes, relishing the memory.
---
You were getting ready to go on a date with your plantfriend, Jorah, as usual.
Suddenly, you heard delightfully familiar footsteps on your porch, then the sound of Jorah banging his bruised forehead against your front door since he had no arms.
You waited a few minutes, letting him repeatedly bang, hoping he'd get enough brain damage to finally make an eggplant blossom.
Finally, you opened the door. You lifted your leg and leaned it against the doorway, dramatically raising your arms in the air. "Hello, Munny-Maker--- err, I mean, Jorah."
His purplish face immediately lit up, blushing magenta in happiness as soon as he saw you. "[Your name!] I'm so delighted to see you!" And he was--he was so happy, he twirled around in circles on his long, elegant legs.
You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms. "Yeah, whatever. Let's go on this date or something."
Jorah stopped twirling and warmly smiled, "Okay." You noticed something out of the usual--he was wearing a black bowtie around his... neck? Waist? Whatever the heck it is. And he was also wearing calve-high formal socks and tuxedo shoes.
"Wow, what's the occasion?" Your voice brightens a bit. Maybe today would be the day you'd get that eggplant blossom outta that worthless waifu.
He shyly grinned, "You'll see... riGHT NOW!"
He got down on one knee, and then he whispered, "My beloved [Your Name]..."
Your heart skips a beat. What's going on? Is he going to--
Then Jorah began violently coughing. Your eyes widened. If he died, you'd never get the blossom! You began repeatedly slapping him to see if that'd help.
Finally, he coughed up a square, blue box. Manipulating the box with his lips, he managed to open it. "[Your name], so beautiful and free, would you marry an eggplant like me?" is what he said. Or at least what he WOULD say if he didn't have a ring box in his mouth. His voice came out more like "ghhtttcccchghhgghhtthkk...!"
You nodded, eyes glimmering at the beautiful, expensive-looking ring. "Jorah... Of course I will..." You take the ring out, admiring it. It was gold with a giant ruby. How beautiful... you could sell this for at least four-thousand munny.
---
By the time you finished replaying the memory in your head, you realized you were standing in the middle of the now-empty wedding hall. You looked around in a bit of daze. "Huh? Where is everyone?"
Meanwhile, Jorah was nuzzling you with his giant, you-could-land-an-airplane-on-it-oh-goodness forehead. "My dear sweet, the wedding's been over for an hour. You just were standing doing nothing for some reason."
"Oh. Oops. Ah well. It's just a wedding after all." You shrugged carelessly.
Then the thought hit you-- the eggplant blossom.
You slapped Jorah in the face with your foot. He stuttered, "Ouch! My face! ... I mean, what?"
"Jorah, let's rEPRODUCE." You immediately do jumping jacks in excitement.
Jorah blushed a bit. "Okay. Uh... you first."
"Ummm... no."
Jorah blinked. "Okay."
He began to focus really hard, and then...

The pain was so intense that he immediately began to cry.
You just grabbed the flower and ran.
"Wait... where are you going...?"

The End