Pages of Unexpectedness

Good Morning

I passed 50 parts and didn't even notice, dangeroo. 

I feel so darn tired. Last night did not end well for me. I ended up getting no homework done and decided to wake up super early instead (and instead of waking up at 3:50 AM, I ended up waking up at 7:20 AM instead -____-)

As I was about to go to bed, my parents came home. I was going to eat a smoothie popsicle and then go to sleep, but my parents caught me just as I was about to eat the popsicle. I hurriedly turned off my lights and faked sleep. I knew that if they caught me still awake, they'd keep me up for another half hour or longer working. 

Mom came to my bedroom to investigate. When she did, she found the perfectly nonmelted popsicle laying on my bedsheets. (I tried to hide it beneath my bedsheets, but I couldn't find it in time...) She took it, telling me to get up. She held up the popsicle. "What's this?"

"... Dinner." I honestly replied.

 She told Neil, holding up the popsicle, "We got ourselves a faker." before handing it back to me. I angrily put it in the freezer.

How terrible I felt! I bitterly failed and my parents told me to clean the kitchen and everything else. I bitterly did dishes, my blood boiling the whole time, scratching my arms in aggravation.

Luckily, my mom and Neil were totally chilled out. They even bought me exactly what I asked them for and then told me that I didn't have to pay them for it. (I asked them for two canvases and Valentine's Day candy.) Yet, even that made me angry. Why? 

They made it sound like they were not going to buy me Valentine's Day candy before they left. Therefore, I did not try to tell them what kind to buy or anything since they specified they were only buying me the canvases alone. As a result, that left Mom and Neil to pick out the candy. And they picked out literally the worst candy anyone could pick out: chalky conversational hearts.

It made my rebellious, frustrated blood boil even more. I had to carefully think to myself, "What do I say? What do I do?" Do I tell them, "No thanks, that is the worst candy EVER?" Do I tell them, "Thank you...! By any chance, do you still have the receipt," secretly planning to return it? Do I just suck it up, act like I'm super happy, and then turn around and privately buy new candy? Do I literally give away the overused Valentine's Day candy that I KNOW basically 80% of people HATE? 

When Neil mentioned the bags to me that I had clearly already noticed, I faked joy and thanked my parents. It doesn't matter how much I hate conversational hearts -- my parents loved me enough to buy them for me. "How much do I owe you?" I said cheerfully, but I probably sounded a little nuts considering how much I wanted to cry in frustration. 

"No charge," Neil answered generously. 

"Hm," Mom casually commented as she ate her salad, "You know, I never liked conversational hearts..." 

It took a lot for me to resist the urge to scream, "UM, NEITHER DO I?!?!" Just kidding, I don't think I could have ever said that.

I ended up going to bed, feeling absolutely terrible. A lot of different stuff happened while I was in bed as well and I was in an extremely bad mood. I ate an oatmeal creme pie and that really uplifted my mood. I prayed to God, praised Him, and then tried (keyword: tried) to go to sleep. My mind was filled with all sorts of horrible junk and I couldn't push it out... Ultimately, I fell asleep past 1 AM and I slept through BOTH of my 3:50 AM alarms. 

Now it's 7:39 AM. I just feel so upset. I want to be able to press "PAUSE" on life... catch some more sleep, study, complete my Spanish workbook... and then continue all caught up. 

As usual, it's me to blame for my own anger and procrastination.

Something needs to change, Liz.