Short #6: "This is my scream"

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I'm not a good writer nor a good poet. I just wanna write stories to rid my heart of this heaviness. Everyday I get anxious that something bad will happen and always always something bad happens. Sometimes it's my fault that I make my day like this. Honestly everyday I'm like this so it's always my fault. Forgive me if this short will only bring sadness and confusion. I have no one to turn to is why I chose this. Maybe that's why I keep losing friends and the people I love? Both emotionally and physically. I lost my sister physically, I lost my brothers emotionally. We were never the same. We've changed through the years, and the kind of change I do not like. "I don't know what happened..." Is what I keep on saying, but when I think of it; I see many reasons and it's confusing and it makes me think more. The mind God gave me is the mind untiring. I wondered why He gave me this mind? I remember the story of the first king of Israel, Solomon. He had the same restless mind. It was God's punishment because he was disloyal to him. Is that why I have this? Because I have greatly sinned? I worry about what others think, what others feel, what others want. I'm willing to rip myself apart if they would shut up or be happy. I think too much about the future and it scares me to death. Scares me enough that I rarely do anything productive. I plan that when I enter adulthood I said I would just kill myself. I did not want to tell anyone, because I know they'll just stop me. But it's so scary... Your words are comforting, but I'm still terrified. Please don't try to comfort me when I publish this. Let me feel what I'm feeling. I don't wanna to burden you anymore. I don't want you to be the void I wanna scream to. I don't want you to worry as much as I worry everyday. Please. Be happy. Stay healthy. Don't be like me.

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A/N. So that was my scream. I hope you enjoyed it? Idk. I'm planning to make this a special short. If anyone has any problems, you can scream it over here. I would like to help you feel less burdened. I know not a lot of people are reading this, but the least I can do to help this tiny majority of people scream their feelings and their worries here on this chapter. I'm gone make this a hashtag trend. #ThisIsMyScream. Spread the word please. Just comment down below f you want your scream to be heard or post it in a book or a social media platform. I would love to hear your scream. It might help a lot of people with their worries.

I am also in Twitter : @ SophHerondale1

I am also in Instagram : @ sophieherondale_paz

My gmail : sophiaantoinette.paz@gmail.com

My Yahoo (although I'm not very active in yahoo) : sophiaantoinette_paz@yahoo.com

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