The Bad Boy Diaries - A McCann Story

twelve

12

JASON

I held Sage in my arms as she cried herself to sleep that night. We were at a hotel room, fifty miles away from town. I remember her clawing at me telling me not to go as tears ran down her face. It was the first time I've ever seen her break down in my arms. It was absolutely horrifying to watch, knowing that it was me making her feel this way and there was nothing I could do about it but hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. She didn't touch me willingly that night. After we left the diner she sat in my car as I drove to the hotel and didn't say a word to me. When I got in bed with her she tensed up next to me and I had to wait until she fell asleep for me to pull her into my arms. It was an hour later I woke up to her crying in her sleep. She woke up, pushed me and allowed me to pull her back into my arms as she withered away back into her deep slumber. God I was so stupid. I couldn't believe I had been so careless to get drunk with Arianne at the party knowing she was going to do something to jeopardize Sage and I. I pulled away from her cringed body and walked over to my jeans that were lying on the chair on the other side of the room. I dug in my pockets for my pack of cigarettes and walked onto the balcony. I hated myself so much as of right now. I lit the cigarette and inhaled deeply before snatching it out my mouth. I released a cloud of smoke and gripped the metal railing underneath me. The cool Vegas night air surrounded me, making me feel number than before. It was final, I hate myself. I hate myself so much for everything I've done. I hate myself because I let my mother down. I hate myself because I let my brothers down, and I hate myself for letting my girlfriend down...I wasn't even sure that she was my girlfriend anymore, but I just wasn't going to let go of her easily. When the glass door slid open I knew she was up. I probably woke her up. I hated myself for that too. I placed the cigarette between my lips again, taking another drag. Sage came up beside me and snatched it out my mouth, throwing it down onto the slick parking lot below us.

"Really Jason? Cigarettes?" she snapped.

I exhaled and then turned my brown eyes towards her, "I guess I just keep fucking up more and more huh?"

"Jason, I told you I love you."

"But you didn't tell me you forgave me. You didn't tell me that you know I didn't intentionally search out for Arianne as soon you turned your back. You didn't say you knew I wouldn't do something like that to you."

Sage hung her head low and played with her fingers. It was what she did when she was nervous and was searching for the right words. "I don't believe that you...that you didn't want her back. I also don't believe that you wanted to stop her. I think you wanted her Jason, I really do."

I scoffed. "Oh right, yeah I want her, that's why I'm here with you." The tears were coming again, damn it here they were. They slipped down my cheeks as Sage lifted her hand to wipe them away. I moved out her reach and wiped them myself with my bare arm. "Just get it over it. Just say it and get it over with."

"I called Will, and he's on his way...I think we should just be friends from now on Jason." She whispered.

"Will? As in fucking Captain Douchebag? You called him to come and rescue you?"

"I just need space."

I nodded, "Okay. I can give you space. I can give you a whole lot of space Sage, but don't you ever and I mean ever call yourself my friend. I can't be just friends with you anymore."



TWO MONTHS LATER;

SAGE

I sat down in the cafeteria with the old group again. The girls consisted of Alison Carver, the co-captain of the cheer squad and Justine McDaniels, the head of the school newspaper. I, on the other hand, willingly got my spot as captain back on the cheer team and wore my uniform with pride. It felt good to be back doing stuff I liked. Alison leaned over and said, "So, before Will comes over here, tell me and Jus all about your little time in heaven with little mister McCann."

I shrugged, "It was a short lived relationship." And, I rather not talk about it because I still have this gaping hole in my heart that hurts every time I think of him, let alone when his name comes up.

"Oh come on, there's no way that hot piece of ass didn't give you a run for your money." Alison chuckled.

"Oh totally, he looks like he's great in bed." Justine laughed.

"Why don't you find out? I didn't but I'm sure you'd enjoy it a lot more than I would've." I muttered, biting the tip of a baby carrot.

"Wait, do you mean that?" Justine asked. "I would totally love to go for it."

I looked up, stunned. "Uh, I mean yeah, sure. I guess."

She squealed, "Oh my god yes! Thank you! I should totally invite him to Will's birthday bash tonight."

"Totally!" Alison cheered along with her.

I covered my ears. "Yeah, just don't squeal around him he hates it, but yeah you should invite him tonight."

"Invite who tonight?" Will said sitting down next to me, kissing my temple.

"Well Sage here was just telling me I should totally go for Jason, and I was thinking about inviting him to the party tonight." Justine explained.

"He's gonna show up anyways." I mumbled.

"They'd be so cute together!" Alison said with a dream look in her eye.

I couldn't help but roll mine. They were acting like Jason was the most perfect being on earth...and he was, but still. I had no right to be so possessive over Jason since I was the one that ended it with him but even after two months I couldn't seem to shake him. I was the one searching out for his attention when he hasn't even spared me a second glance, let alone the first one. I was stuck, I really was. Will leaned in close and whispered, "Are you okay?" I nodded a little bit and closed my eyes, willing the pain to go away. Tonight was my first party back and I had to own it. The girls were meeting at my house to get ready and I just knew I had to put Justine to shame. I was going to catch Jason's eye tonight even if it was the last look he'd ever give me I wanted to make him remember it.

[A/N]

if u were wondering I imagined Will as Taylor Lautner, just so i could give you an idea of what Captain Douchebag looks like. :-)