The Bad Boy Diaries - A McCann Story

twenty

20

JASON

They announced her dead as soon as she got to the hospital. I have never broke down before in my life until I just did now. I was done for. I hate myself for everything I’ve ever done to that girl. I was sitting next to the empty bed that once held her cold body. Marcus was incarcerated and I was told he would immediately be placed on trial. There was a knock at the door and Stokes came in the room. All my anger came back and it was all towards him. I immediately ran to him and made a move to punch him but he caught me. “You promised me!” I screamed. “You promised me you would get her out of there!”

“I’m sorry Jason, there was nothing I could do.”

“You told me you would protect her and you didn’t! She died in my fucking arms because of you!”

“Jason, I know. I’m sorry for that, there’s nothing I can do.”

“You let him take her away from me Stokes, how could you do this to me? How could you let him take her away from me?” I sunk to the floor and Stokes hugged me. It was sincere. It was the same way I held onto Sage’s dad when he found out that my brother took the life of his baby girl. The same hug I gave all of her friends when they came in and heard the news. I have never hurt so bad before, never. I never wanted to know what this felt like and now that I do I hate myself for it.

“I know it hurts.” Stokes said. “I know that you’re mad at me and pissed at the world but I promise you I will take your brother down for you. He’s not getting out of that courtroom without being sentenced to jail for a very long time. I made a promise, and I hate myself for not being able to keep it. When I saw the gun I should’ve known that he was aiming for one of you but as a cop I had to think about the people I brought into the situation as well. I apologize Jason and if you need anything else, and I mean anything I am here for you.”

*

The funeral was hard. I sat next to her dad the whole time as friends and family gathered around her coffin. He held my hand tight. I was the only one he wanted around which surprised me since I was the whole reason for this. When everyone was talking and saying how they should get together again except on happier terms Mr. Gabe looked at me and said, “I know that if I would’ve told her to stay away from you she would’ve fought me on it.”

“She was so stubborn.” I whispered.

“That she is, but she was right about one thing. You’re not as bad as you seem and I gave you a chance. Stokes told me you didn’t know anything about it until it was too late. Told me that you tried to protect her and I knew that you did. You were always her protector and I’m so grateful that since I wasn’t there on her last breaths it was you.”

“Why?”

“Because it was peaceful for her to go with you there. She was only at her happiest when she was by your side.”

I bit back my tears and looked at her picture on the stand. The caption said, Remembrance of Sage Elizabeth. God, I missed her. That smile she used to give me had me on edge and had me missing her more than I have ever missed anything in my life. I never once thought that we’d be separated this way, but that only left me two things left to do.

Kill my brother, and go.