My Darling ♥

chapter 40

i let out a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself down.

how could he do that? why did this whole night even happen? why does he have to be such a jerk but make me love him so much more? why does he make me feel confident in our 'relationship' (if you would even call it that) and then ruin it all by saying something like that? that's the second time he has done something like this. i hate it. but you don't choose who you love. 

i just hope that i can find someone to take me away so i can see that there is someone else to love and i will forget about hunter completely. 

i sigh and collapse on my bed. 

why is it so cold? i know it's raining but..  oh my god.

i look down and i'm in nothing but my black panties with lace lining and my tight, low-cut undershirt that reveals the top of my breasts with no bra on.. which all girls know.. is no good. 

i feel naked and hunter was just.. hunter! he saw me like this! oh my god! he's going to tell everyone and then i'm going to be marked as the school slut for "stripping" for him. (I'm guessing that's how he will tell the story) 

i cover my face with my hands and shake my head vigorously. 

i get up, grab my black throw blanket and walk over to my window. it was still open so i slip outside and go to the place on the roof where i usually sit when i have a bad day and i need a quiet place to think.

please. go away. please, let nothing else bad happen to me. this is too much. i can't handle it. please help me. i need help. help me. i don't understand what is happening. why me? why is this all happening to me? why me?! what did i do?! why do i deserve this?! what did i ever do to you?!!  i shouted in my head as i stared up to the heavens. 

"why me? what did i do? why do i deserve this?" i say as i begin to sob. "why? ... why!" i say as loud as i can and i sob louder. 

"liz?" 

i frantically look at my surroundings to find the voice calling my name.

"liz?" they said more worried.

i crawled to the edge of the roof and look down.   

it was josh.

"liz? are you okay?" he said as he started to climb the white trellis that is attached to the wall of the house. he carefully climbs up the wooden, white frame dodging the beautiful white roses that i planted in memory of my mom. white roses were her favorite. 

i furiously wiped at my tears and took a deep breath. when he reached the top i sat back down and wrapped my blanket tighter around me. he came over and sat down next to me. making sure to leave no space left in between us. 

i took deep breathes. through my nose. out my mouth. 

calm down. it'll all be okay. calm down. don't crack. i'm fine. i'm fine. i'm ... 

my emotions betray me and i begin to cry again. my ugly sobs coming out in big blobs of disastrous sounds that made me want to throw myself off the roof. 

he wrapped his arm around me and rubbed my back while slowly rocking back and forth. "shh. baby, it's all going to be okay. shh" 

after a few minutes of nothing but him holding me and me choking out ugly sobs he begins to lightly chuckle. "what's so funny?!" i say.

"woah. sorry, it's just.. dejavu"

"what?"

"haven't we been here before?" 

"the roof?" i say, confused. 

he laughed again "no. this position. me telling oyu it'll all be okay. me holding you. and both times you were with hunter before i had to come and save the day.. like always"

"yeah, i guess" i say and lay my head on his shoulder. 

as i'm staring up at the stars something spikes my brain. "wait, how did you know hunter was here earlier?" i say.

i feel him stiffen and i scoot away from him. "josh? what aren't you telling me?" i say.

he blinks his eyes and takes a breathe. he bites his lip and turns his head to look at me. "liz-"

"no. don't give me a crappy speech about lies, lies and more lies. please, josh. i need the truth. hunter has done nothing but lie to me since the moment i met him. i need truth from someone"

he shook his head. "i'm sorry. i just can't. i'm sorry" he says and he gets up, jumps off the roof and runs down the street. 

why does everyone do this to me.