My Darling ♥

chapter 67

Harry's POV.

during the ride back to the hotel, i kept thinking..

why the hell would he write her a song?

.. but another part of me kept saying..

if he can write her a song.. why can't i?

i park my classic white ford capri and lock all the doors. 

i strut my way through the parking lot, making my way to the lobby. stuffing my keys in the pocket of my black skinny jeans. 

i press the up arrow on the elevator and wait for the doors to slide open. 

when they do, i step in and press the button marked 20. it lights up under my touch and the doors slide closed.

i feel the big metal box lift off the ground, and lift me up twenty stories.

the doors open and i step out to be greeted by one of the body guards. 

i lamely wave back at him and walk in the open door that he had opened for me.

i didn't like being treated like this. i think i can manage to open a damn door.

i make my way to my room, ignoring anyone that talked to me on my way. 

i shut my door behind me and sat on my bed.

i rested my back by leaning back and letting the bed take all of my weight. i sigh and sit back up.

i run my fingers through my hair and get off the soft mattress.

i walk out of my room and walk down the hallway. i stop in front of Niall and Liam's bedroom. i let out a deep breath and curve my fingers around the handle. i put pressure and twist the handle.

i am relieved to find no one inside. i quickly make my way across the room and pick up one of Niall's guitars. 

out of all the ones fans bought him, this one is my favorite. 

it was a black Fender CD-60CE. it had white lining around all the edges and an aztec design lined with white around the sound hole, up the neck, surrounding the bridge, and all over the sides of the body. 

it was a beautiful guitar, and it sounded even better.

i took the guitar back to my room and gently laid it on my bed. 

i quickly changed out of my white shirt and black jeans and put on plue basketball shorts, a black v-neck shirt and red converse. 

i grabbed my navy blue snapback and slip on on my head, backwards. 

i pick up my black pants off the floor and search the pockets for my keys. i find them in my right pocket and i hold them in my hand. 

i go to my bed side table and pick up the Ray Bans that i stole from Niall's bed side table a few days ago. i couldn't find mine so i took his. i meant to replace them but i didn't have time to go to the store.

i grab the guitar by the neck and take it with me all the way down to the parking lot, careful not to accidentally bump it into walls and chip the beautiful paint job.

i gently set it in the passenger seat, and i'm so worried about the guitar i actually find myself buckling it in. gotta keep it safe right? Niall will kill me if i get a scratch on it.

i drive to this meadow i found a few days before the concert. it's filled with yellow and white daisies. there are also some scattered sunflowers. 

i found a cement bench and i sat down. i rested the curve of the quitar on my thigh.

i played around with a few chords, hoping to find a tune that reminds me of her. 

i find a certain tune that fits her perfectly.

not to low, not too high. not too happy, a bit of sadness. not too love struck, but there's enough there to make it worth while. not too beautiful, but there;s enough beauty to make me love it. it's not about the chords, it's about the sound.. the tune. 

.. i'm not even sure i'm talking about the guitar anymore. 

~~

i had the best luck with the instrumental.. but i couldn't fingure out any words.

.. i have so many things to say. but there only a limited amount of time i have to use the most immportant words.

i think and think and think..

until my head hurts.

i groan and set the guitar down in the big patch of wild flowers. 

i groan and get off the bench. i run through the patch, looking for something.

.. looking for something i don't quite understand.

i pick at the hem of my shirt and throw it off over my head.

love and thoughtfullness has turned into rage and anger. 

i run through the patch more. leaving my shirt resting on the tips of the newly blossomed buds.

i run amd run until i am out of breath. i stop running and hold my side. sweat dripping down my face.

little beads of sweat covering every inch of my chest, back and neck. 

i don't understand what i'm looking for. i don't understand why i got the sudden urge to run. i don't understand why i can't understand anything that is happening right now. everything is going off in my head, like a million little bombs got set off to blow any second and i'm waiting for them to blow me to pieces. .. the damage would have been bad. but the suspence is worse.

i don't understand wh-

wait.. that's it!

i don't understand!

i don't understand why i feel this way about her.

i don't understand why i can't just walk up to her and craddle her in my arms.

i don't understand why i can't just tell her how i feel.

.. but most of all.. 

she doesn't understand.

she doesn't understand why i'm acting the way i am.

she doesn't understand because i am hiding myself.

she doesn't understand why i can't bare to see her and Niall together even though that was the way it was always meant to be.

but what tears me apart the most..

she doesn't understand me.. and she never will.