Only Saving Grace I Ever Had (Kellic)

Chapter Sixteen

*Flashback*
"Students, today we received some devastating news" I heard our principal speak over the intercom.
"A student of ours, Jonny Craig, has been reported dead this morning from an apparent suicide"

I felt my breath get caught in my throats as I head the words.

No.

I felt tears in my eyes and I felt pure disbelief as my entire body was shaking.

"We have grief counselor stations set up in the media center for any students who need support, we also have an assembly planned for tomorrow" he spoke in a monotone voice that was now making me sick.

I felt dizzy, I felt my chest convulsing.

I got up from my desk and ran out, I ran down the hall and out an emergency exit door, leading to the student parking lot.

As soon as the cold, bitter air hit me I felt relief as my body felt on fire.
I collapsed on the pavement, heaving as vomit forced its way out.

What? No. Not Jonny.

He's been broken, I could see it, why didn't I do anything?
Jonny has been absolutely torn apart since last year.. last year? The last time I saw him happy, talkative, smiley, it was last year.

Last year at the dance.

I felt myself shaking harder as it sunk in.

He's dead, he's really dead.

How? Why?

I let my body fall beside the vomit on the pavement, my lungs felt as if they were shrinking, getting smaller and smaller as I tried to forced the air in and out.

Jonny was there when Craig stopped being my friend, he offered me friendship when no one did. He helped me. Now he's gone.

I need to know why, what the fuck happened.

Did Craig do something? After the dance is when he changed.

I pulled myself from the concrete, I can't go and pretend that today is a normal day. I can't do it.

Part of me feels like Jonny is still here, like I was hearing things, but I'm not.
This is real.
I wish this was just some horrible nightmare and I would wake up, I could cry and tell Jonny about it the next day.

But that's impossible now.

I felt like I would be sick again, but I carried myself to the area my bike was set against the building.

Despite my lungs tightening, I got on and road home to a place I could grieve and try to make sense of this on my own.
*End of Flashback*
(Vic's POV)

I listened to my mothers voice on voicemail, she sounded tired.
Probably tired of me never answering, tired of me never calling back.

I can't let her see what I've become, I can't let her see that her boy, a good Catholic, well behaved, smart boy that she raised, has turned into me.
She would be so disappointed.

Should I even try to keep up with Mike anymore? He hasn't called in awhile.

I remembered Kellin the other day, I remember when he pulled up his sleeve.
Big, purple, circular scars covered his arms. But the cigarette burns weren't the only ones.
I saw tiny white scars on his forearms, he used to cut himself.

Could I ever get better the way he has?
He's the definition of recovery.

He came from such a broken home, his life was so hard and he struggled so much, but he went to therapy and made something out of himself.