A Fictitious Relationship

Beyoncé POV

Sometimes I thought back to the day it happened, how it happened, why it happened. Other times I try to block it and pretend the entire week just didn't exist, somehow that helped me to cope with it but being with Shawn brought it all back. He made me realise how much I missed being loved, how much I wanted to someone to hold me the way Lyndall once had, to kiss me like he did. I sighed and looked down at my hands on my lap as we sat on the plane, Shawn on one side and Nicki on the other. Why was I so pathetic? Why did I beg him, why did I chase after him like a lost puppy. At 12 years old I was stupid, at 17 I was even worse. Then I just let him walk back into my life again years after and he did it again. Why did I let him hurt me?

"Bey" She whispered "You're thinking about him" She tired to talk so Shawn wouldn't hear but I could tell he had by the way he slowly looked over at us discreetly not moving his head but only his eyes. I plastered a smile on my face shaking my head, 

"Don't be silly" I said, Shawn turned his head fully and watched me for a moment, letting our eyes connect for a while before turning away and I looked at Nicki, "I was just thinking about work" I told her, she didn't believe me one bit and I could tell but afraid to press the subject further she turned away from me and I felt Shawn slide his hand a little and intertwine our fingers in a way that no one would see. He squeezed a little for a brief moment and stroaked his thumb on the back on my hand smoothly. I was so caught up in the moment and the comfort it brought me that I didn't even notice the fact that his holding my hand wasn't a part of our facade because no one could see it. This gesture was personal, I smiled a little to myself at the thought and then turned my face to him only to find him already looking down at me with concerned eyes. Looking at him now was different, I could feel myself melting into his eyes just a little bit. Not a lot. Just a bit. 

"He's not worth it" He told me, I widened my eyes and pulled me hand from his in shock.He doesn't know, right? I mean, he can't. There's no way, I kept it so private, not even my family knew, no one did really. The only thing he has to go on is what Nicki said but that couldn't be enough could it? Maybe he was just going with some sort of gut instinct. I stared at him for a moment before he added, "I'd kill him for what he did to you" Shawn gritted through his teeth. I moved back even further and continued to stare at him in bewilderment, he knows? Nicki coughed just a little bit and I turned my head to her fast as she smiled weakly, 

"I need to talk to you" I get up from me seat making sure to give Shawn a peck on the head as I left just for the show. Nicki leaned over giving meek a quick kiss then followed me to the restroom on the plane,

Once we were in the restroom together I locked the door behind us and watched her for a while as she refused to make eye contact with me.  "You told him" I said angrily on the verge of tears. 

"Bey, he wanted to know what happened to your last boyfriend, If there was some guy he'd have to talk to and thank or some bullshit like that"She finally looked up at me and raised her hands in a pleading manner but I turned away and threw my hands up in defeat shaking my head, 

"You couldn't have just said that it's not necessary because I'm single?  He didn't need to know, did you tell him about your relationship with Marcus? The fact that you just got in a relationship with Meek last week and decided you didn't want to be the only one without a date and brought him along?" I asked her, she sighed and rolled her eyes angrily, she did hate it when I listed her partners because it was condescending. She said it made her feel as if I thought she was a whore for having so many men but really she hadn't had sex with any of them, they all just came and went quickly because she wasn't good at forming long lasting relationships with people. 

"Bey, I was just-" She cut herself off and shrugged, "I don't know" She sighed. I knew she loved me and that she would never do anything to hurt me but I couldn't help but be angry, I put so much work into people not knowing what happened with Lyn that her just going out and telling this man who I didn't even know yet pissed me off. How could she do that to me? And not even tell me!