A Fictitious Relationship

Beyoncé POV

Paris was a universe whole and entire unto herself, hollowed and fashioned by history; so she seemed in this age of Napoleon with her towering buildings, her massive cathedrals, her grand boulevards and ancient winding medieval streets--as vast and indestructible as nature itself. All was embraced by her, by her volatile and enchanted populace thronging the galleries, the theatres, the cafes, giving birth over and over to genius and sanctity, philosophy and war, frivolity and the finest art. So it seemed that if all the world outside her were to sink into darkness, what was fine, what was beautiful, what was essential might there still come to its finest flower. Even the majestic trees that graced and sheltered her streets were attuned to her and the waters of the Seine, contained and beautiful as they wound through her heart; so that the earth on that spot, so shaped by blood and consciousness, had ceased to be the earth and had become Paris.

Paris was the perfect distraction. It excited the mind in the simplest of ways by making me smell, feel and see things I had never seen before. I remembered my last visit like it was yesterday, I remembered the inside of the office buildings and that was the majority of what I remembered. It had got to a stage where the capital no longer excited me because I was so used to going past the Eiffel tower and not paying it any mind. I was so used to driving through the streets but not often did I stop and look. This was my first time being here without working, at first I thought It wasn't that big of a deal but that last few hours have changed my mind. 

After our shenanigans in the Hotel room Shawn and I decided to step out for fresh air and take a walk together. I like to pretend that I didn't notice the cameras taking photos of us because it just ruined the moment in a lot of ways. They were thinking of tomorrow's headlines: Superstar Rapper and Business Mogul Jay-Z seen taking a loving stroll with his new woman? - that would be one, or maybe- Jay-Z, 99 Problems but Paris ain't one!- they like to think of Corny shit like that, oh and- Look's like Jay-Z likes a woman with Brain. That would be funny, I wonder how many people would look at that and think something other than my intellect. 

 I looked up at him and asked, 

"Why do you want children so bad?" I knew I had caught him off guard when he looked at me and then coughed looking away. He shrugged but I knew there was a reason behind it. There had to be. "Shawn" I said a little sterner. 

"For my own selfish reasons" He replied bluntly. I wasn't satisfied with his answer when I said, 

"You always do this" I began, he looked down at me and I continued, "You don't like talking about things that make you feel vulnerable. You try to put it off" I pointed out. He nodded slowly as we walked past a parade of little kids playing in the snow with their black coats and white snow covered gloves, 

"It's worked in all the interviews" He chuckled. I pushed him a little and stopped walking. He stopped too and then looked at me so we were stood face to face. 

"Well then I think you ought to know now that when I want to know something I don't stop until I find it" He sighed and rolled his eyes a little bit. 

"The things I put up with" He joked, I pushed him even harder this time causing him to stumble to the side a little before catching his balance and place his arm around my shoulders again. 

"I want children because of Annie" He began, "That's the underlying matter anyway, all the other reasons are just to go on top of that and back me up in my argument for children a little bit" He hugged me a little tighter and we continued to stroll. "I remember when I would look after her and think to myself: How could a man leave his child like this? Ya Know?" He looked down at me and I nodded my head. "It didn't make any sense to me. I had almost forgotten that he left the rest of us- well he never left Erik-because I was so busy thinking about the fact he had left her. I told myself that I would never neglect any of my children like that- if I had any." He smirked down at me a little and continued, "Back then I didn't really want children, I just knew that I'd be a great dad if I had them but then things changed. Annie became more than my little sister, she was one of my closest friends and sometimes I even looked at her as my baby. That was a relationship I loved so much that deep inside me I wanted to replicate it again with my own children just because it felt nice. There are some things in the world that just feel nice.That was one of those things. Then I let my imagination run wild with all the things my kids and I would do and I decided that I did want them. As I've grown older I've realised that I'm ready to settle down so I want them now more than I ever did" I couldn't help but wonder a few things. Like: Was his father the reason why he couldn't get along with Erik?  Was his father the reason he craved that relationship? Was it the reason his mother was so selective with the partners her children had?