A Fictitious Relationship

Shawn POV

I had realised that there was a part of me moving too fast, taking things too seriously, making moves that would benefit me in 15 years even though there was no guarantee those 15 years I had though about about would come. I imagined myself with a wife and children, I imagined my years to come where I returned home for work in the office and there would be little kids running about and a woman yelling at them telling them not to run in her house. I would teach my daughters how a man was supposed to treat her and that she can be anything she wants to be. I would teach my sons how they were supposed to treat women. Above that, I would teach my children how to treat humans. How to love and how to cry, I would teach them that there are people less fortunate, I would teach them to be compassionate and kind and to never take things for granted. My wife would do the same. We'd love each other, we'd be happy to see each other- most of the time. I wanted it all and so often I pushed the thoughts aside because I knew there wasn't a woman around who was wife material. What was wife material about pantie throwing, titty shaking, screaming groupies who really didn't care about me at all? Then again was I husband material? That put me off it all as well. Was there a woman who wouldn't be intimidated by the women around me, a woman who was strong enough within herself to stand up to me when I was wrong, was there a woman who could put up with my negatives? Sometimes I didn't think so. 

Then everything changed. 

She was so beautiful but knew that life was about more than looks. She was independent in a way that meant she could stand up for herself to anyone no matter who they were. She wasn't intimidated by anyone because she knew her self worth. She was respectful and sweet and funny but she was also a hard worker and focused. So far, she wasn't angry at the fact that when I brushed my teeth I always flossed meticulously no matter how late we could possibly be running- my old girlfriend used to get so angry because of that. She didn't get angry when she caught me biting my nails- a horrible habit I know- but instead she laughed and moved my hand away from my mouth with a light chuckle and said: 'You got pooey fingers'. That made me laugh. She liked my goofy laugh. 'You're laugh is so cute' she pointed out. 

It had only been one hour since Nicki told us to have the day together and we found ourselves watching a French movie which neither of us could really understand but it was good just to be together. Even in the  darkness of the movie theatre she was the best view in the Paris. 

I hated the fact that I was doing this. That I was painting a picture of our future, of the multiple possibilities. Could she be the woman I've been waiting for? The woman I've been setting myself up for? I hated that I was asking myself these questions because It meant I was putting too much thought into a relationship we don't really have yet. I was moving too fast, I was getting too deep into it.  I shouldn't but I am. Oh fucking well. 

"Bey" I whispered, she looked at me with a smile and I smiled back at her. "Let's go back to the hotel, I wanna talk" She nodded her head and then grabbed her thinks then we made our way back to the Hotel.

I do believe that a relationship between the two of us would work. But let's be honest: the truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realise that the situation is over, you cannot move forward. There will always be a part of her thinking about Lyndell, blaming herself, being angry at herself and I couldn't really be with her with him still on her mind. It would spark too many arguments, it would hurt her. So We had to deal with it now and I know it's going to hurt but even if after the next two weeks we never talk again it'll be good for her to finally let go of what Lyndell did to her. 

We walked into the hotel room and she smiled at me waiting for me to talk. I didn't know exactly how to start so I pulled out two chairs making them face each other and then nodded at her to sit down.