30 Days Left

I’m awake.

I don't hear a blaring alarm, no barking dogs nor meowing cats. I don't hear parents calling or shouting - they fight sometimes, early in the morning.

Early morning lights stream at the open window. Soft bed, plush duvet, large room.

Today I'm Max. Yesterday I was Steve. The other day I was Danny. Every day I inhabit a different body. I am both me and them only for a day, always just one day. It started when the old lady gave me a wish. Now I'm here.

My real name is Victor and I became an inhabiter because I wished for love.

Max lives alone. His parents are divorced, no siblings, no pets and only one friend.

I don't know how he feels. I never did with all the bodies. I think I'm only allowed to know their thoughts, experience their life not their emotions; never their feelings.

"Good morning Max" I greet my body for the day.

His voice is deep and husky. The sound your voice makes when you wake up in the morning.

I don't remember what I sound like, when I try, it feels like grasping for straws. I don't know how I look like, I can't remember the color of my eyes, was my hair brown or black? My real body is as far to me as the one I'm looking for.

Today I'm defined by my hobbies. Max likes cars, sports and girls.

Sundays are running days. Max runs three miles every Sunday. I think of skipping this routine, but the body doesn't let me, so I get up.

I put on clothes for running - he sleeps shirtless. Doing this, I remember the first time I woke up inside the body of someone else. The horror of waking up and finding you're supposed to go to school. Assaulted by words from adults that are your parents. Going to classes you don't know a thing about. It was beyond terrifying.
I thank the universe today is Sunday - a weekend that is much needed - and I don't have to go.

I'm ready, I started to jog moderately, accelerating gradually. It feels good to run. Letting the body move, your thoughts focused on putting one foot after the other. I can feel the stares of other people as I run. I ignore them. I am familiarizing myself with the body.

To make the day easier I have to adapt. This is needed. This is okay.
Feelings. I'm not exactly sure what I feel. Every day I change bodies. Every day I wake up and I'm different, yet still the same.

The first few days were hard; I acted the way I normally do, said the words I normally will, but everything I did was frowned upon, questions about my wellbeing and sanity were frequently asked. I told them I was fine, I always did. But they did not believe me. I tried telling them my real name, all I got were weird stares and eye rolls and sometimes they laugh.

The following weeks I learned how to access the memories of the body, I found out mannerisms, habits, hobbies, likes, allergies and more. Allergies are very important, I once sent Ben - day 45 body - to the hospital for eating peanut butter sandwich.

I pretend, for a day, I was the real person inside the body. I walked, talked and spoke the way the body does normally. Accessing became a habit, it made living in a different body every day easier and harder.

Sometimes the memories I see are so real and vivid that I wished to be one with the body. I end up always disappointed, because it never came true. Day by day I lose sight of the person that I really am. It hurts, it's tiring and makes me very terrified.
Am I happy? I have no idea. Am I sad?  I don't know. I honestly have mix emotions, and I have no clue how to sort it all out.

I wish I can talk to the old lady again, I have questions - a lot of them. For now I only get by on playing my part, a good guest for the host.

Today marks the three hundredth thirty fifth day I changed bodies. I only have thirty days left, and I'm nowhere near the one I'm searching for.