30 Days Left

Day 6540

(12:33 pm)

B efore I open my eyes I take stock of my body. Complete limbs, slight headache, normal body structure and weight.

Sometimes this little ritual I do helps, other times I skip it. I'd like to say I want to be surprised. But most of the time I am not. Now I open my closed lids.

This is not my first time waking up inside a hospital. I once had a body who had cancer, that day was one of the worst.

The room I am in looks like a typical hospital ward, the generic white walls and ceilings. The light coming from the outside - through the only window in this room - indicates the time, a little over noon.

That can't be right, I say to myself. I never wake up this late. I look at my body and saw the same clothes I wore yesterday. Wait, I never had the same body twice. Now I'm a little surprised.

The memories came crashing back to me and doused me like a bucket of ice cold water. I remember the screaming, the accident, and the guy that saved me.

The memory of him triggered my stampeding heart. His warm touch, his baritonal voice and his deep dark eyes. I stop myself.

This happened before. This same sensation left my imaginary heart torn and my soul broken. I can't, I won't, I have to stop before I fall. I can't afford to fixate on him or anyone for that matter. Because I am unable to stay. It will make everything much harder for me. I mustn't.

You see, humans are all the same but different. Everyone is the same, one way or another. They tend to repeat history over and over again. But still they are unique. Making them diverse but similar still.

And I am repeating history myself. This same thing happened before. Me caring and wanting. Me unable to do anything. Me hopeless and feeling seven shades of shitty. But still, I can't seem to control my erratic heart.

A door opened to my left, and two figures entered my room. A female who wore a nurse's uniform and a male who seemed agitated.

"Are you sure?" a male voice asked. That voice! My heart started to pound harder.

"See for yourself." the nurse replied. She pulled the dividing curtains aside, revealing me for examination. She walked to the other side of my bed checking lines and tubes.

The guy she came with stood still and looked at me. I can't bring myself to look at him, instead I follow the nurse's every move. He's doing things to me without even moving a muscle, his presence trifles with my emotions, breaking my walls and forcing his way inside. Why is this happening to me?

After an eternity of silence the nurse gave the verdict.

"You'll be okay, you fainted because of shock. Take a good long rest when you get home. I'll clear the discharge papers then you're good to go" she said all this with a friendly smile and a nice tone that I can't help but believe her.

Then the nurse left but the guy stayed. Oh my heart please stay calm.

Seeing no way out of it I meet his gaze. I can see worry in his eyes. Is that for me? I asked myself. Before I can build my hopes up I stop. You won't, you can't and you mustn't.

He opened his mouth to say something but closed it again, he did this a few more times before I spared him from saying the first words.

"Thank you for saving me." I am grateful for what he did, truly. I said it with all the sincerity I can muster.