In Screaming Color

Chapter 25

Jho was laying in her bed for almost two hours now. And the sun had only started shining over the city. In an hour, her alarm would start screaming for her to wake up. That wouldn't be necessary now. She stood up and opened the door to her room, taking a peek on the door knob on the other side. Found nothing but Cath who was sitting on the hallway floor.

"Good morning, Jho."

"Ano ang ginagawa mo diyan? Kanina ka pa?"

Intrigued, she decided to sit beside Cath.

"Medyo kanina pa. Nakakabingi kasi ang katahimikan sa loob, hindi ako sanay."

Jho nodded in agreement. Other than being distracted lately, she also noticed how quiet Cath and Jonathan's room was. It didn't alarm her though, it was only, just, well, different.

"Mag-isa ka ba? May pinuntahan ba si Jonathan? Out of town? Hayaan mo. Babalik din yun."

She smiled as she continues to stare at her door. On her peripheral vision, she saw Cath shake her head and she started to hear her sob. Catching her attention, she shifted her body to face Cath. Only to be caught and locked in a hug.

"No he won't. Hindi na siya babalik, Jho."

She speaks as she continues to sob and Jho was left speechless. The only thing she was able to do is rub her hand on her friend's back and utter some "shh" until Cath slowly relaxed.

"Sorry about that.."

Cath sniffed and gave Jho an apologetic look. Jho smiled in response before they fell into silence again. She wanted to know what did Cath meant with Jonathan not coming back but she doesn't want to look nosy. If Cath decides to tell her the story, she wouldn't like it to be something she forced Cath to do.

"Minsan talaga, kahit anong gawin natin, kahit anong pagmamahal, pagmamakaawa, hindi nagiging sapat yun sa mga taong mahal natin. Kasi hindi naman mahalaga kung gaano natin sila kamahal kung sila mismo, hindi tayo ganon kamahal. Naiintindihan mo ba ako?"

Jho looks at Cath who was forcing herself to smile.

"Hindi ko alam kung saan ako nagkamali o di kaya'y nagkulang, Jho. I gave him everything I can give. Wala akong ibang pinagtuunan ng atensyon kung hindi siya at siya lang. Akala ko masaya kami, hindi pala. Ako lang pala yun."

"Cath..."

"Bakit kaya nagawa niyang iwan ako?"

"Baka naman may dahilan si Jonathan, Cath."

"Ano? Ano yun, Jho?"

Jho didn't know the answer so she opted to stay quiet.

"See.."

Cath insisted her point and Jho felt so bad that she can't prove her wrong.

"Naniniwala lang ako na lahat ng tao na minsa'y nagmahal sa atin ay may dahilan kung bakit nawala, nang-iwan."

"Hindi na niya ko mahal. Yun ba yung dahilan? Yun lang ba yun? Ni walang follow up reason? Lahat lahat natapos lang dahil sa tingin niya hindi na niya ako mahal? Paano naman ako.. kasi mahal na mahal ko siya."

Cath started to cry again but didn't even bother covering her face. She allowed herself to feel every word she was speaking for these words reflect everything she felt. And she's thankful to have Jhoana to listen to her rants, just to stop her from looking stupid.

"Cath, hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko. I wish I knew what made Jonathan do this to you, to the both of you. Sana nakilala ko pa kayo ng lubos to insist na mahal ka ni Jonathan, but I can't and I'm sorry."