Hidden ~ A joe sugg fanfiction

Chapter 46

Ashley's POV

My thoughts keep wondering to him. My mind is running away with the sound of his voice and the smell of his aftershave. I'm drowning myself in every aspect of him and I can't resurface. I'm struggling for air; struggling to breath as my heart skips a beat every time he appears in my dreams. I'm lost in love. I don't know how I'm ever going to recover from this feeling and yet I hope I never do. Although I've said that I love him before, I've never felt this way. I love him that's for sure but now, an entirely new emotion is coursing through my veins and pulsing through my body.

The sheets that wrap around my body aren't enough to keep me warm at night anymore. I need him. I miss his touch. I want more and more everyday. He's like a drug and I'm gradually becoming addicted to him. I'm falling hard and I'm scared of how broken I'll be if I crash onto the cold ground of reality. I don't just love him. No. you can say those three words and although they are the most powerful group of syllables known to man, they can be filled with nothing. The emptiness that often swarm those three words terrify the strongest of people; because that's what life is about. Love. And if you take that away, then the nothingness consumes everything.

I was terrified before I met him because the emptiness inside of me was constantly met by those three empty words and I needed more than just nothing. But now; now I've found my antidote. Him. The scars those three words have left send a shiver down my spine and my mind swirls in a constant loop trying to figure out the meaning of every action and word he's ever said. I subconsciously banish those three words temporarily and 4 new words begin to plague my mind.

"I'm falling in love" I repeat.

I trust Joe with every inch of my soul. I trust him with my emotions and if I'm falling in love with someone then with the fall, follows the impact. The crash. The heartbreak. But I trust him. I trust him to catch me and never let go.
I'm not just falling in love with him. No.

I've already fallen in love with Joe. And I'll never let him crash. I'll mend his heart. I'll never let go; and I trust him with my all that he'll do the same.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My eyes spring open. The darkness in the room sits uneasily. I sit up and check my phone for the time. 4:08am.

I sigh heavily closing my eyes and falling back down onto the soft pillow. The house is silent. I wonder if they've returned.

After we finished recording and filming for our cover video, the boys all headed out to the club, leaving us girls to do our own thing. We went into the hot tub for a bit and watched scary movies whilst Zoe and niomi snorted like pigs all night from laughter. I chuckle a little as I think about it but my mind is thrown down a surge of sadness as I recall the amount of texts Joe neglected and ignored from me. He must have been having a good time.  I can't blame him. He deserves it, especially after this week.

I decided to just leave it. If he wants then he'll text back.

I force myself to close my eyes but the curiosity is killing me. I twist and turn on the duvet, trying to find a comfortable position but it's no use. I pounce out of the safe warmth of the bed and sprint to the door. The house is empty. I peer into Zoe and Alfie's room to find Zoe sleeping lonely in her room. So the boys haven't returned yet then. I peek into Niomi's room as the last glimmer of hope resigns inside of me. Marcus isn't here.

I decide to search every room to find that the only boys that have made it home tonight are Troye and Connor. They're curled up on Troyes bed with the blinds open. Light is streaming into the room and laying upon them making them perfectly visible. I take a quick picture. I know I shouldn't but this is too cute and perfect for harmless blackmail from the boys.