Learning To Fall

twenty four

As we pull up, I can distinctly hear the sound of some pop remix coming out of the speakers outside and inside the large house. I give Calum a look and he shrugs, adjusting his beanie.

"Are you sure you wanna be here? If not, just say the word and-"

"Calum, I'm not letting you waste your gas. Plus, it's better than sitting at my house with Lillian and her annoying friends." I answer, and the flustered boy nods. "Why are you so nervous?"

"I'm not," He laughs, then he sees the look I'm giving him to show him I wasn't buying any of it. "Look, the last time I was here I got my ass kicked. I have every reason to be nervous." The boy sighs. I frown and turn him towards me, fixing his beanie as I talk.

"I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you Cal, okay? I promise." I say earnestly, and he nods again. Moving to a lighter tone, I smile. "So, ready to party?"

>>

The too-loud pop music blares around me as I watch Calum on the dance floor from a distance. The maori boy was currently flailing his limbs, which was apparently accepted as dancing. Smiling, I lean further back into the couch, which oddly smelled like cinnamon, and close my eyes.

"It's only nine o'clock, why are your eyes closed pretty girl?" A voice asks from my side, and I could recognize it anywhere. Opening my eyes I turn and make contact with the intruder.

"My eyes are closed because I'm resting, Clifford. Don't you have a party to watch?" I ask, and note his glazed over eyes and slightly slurred tone.

"I can always make time for you, sweet cheeks." Michael answers, pinching my cheek gently for emphasis. "So, what do you think?" He asks, copying my stance and leaning back into the black leather. I look around the room before answering his question, taking in all of the bodies on the dance floor and then all of the people borderline hooking up in every crevice of the space. I didn't want to see the upstairs. Fairy lights were strung up, and bowls of dry ice made the room foggy. The decorations weren't bad; but I wouldn't tell Michael that.

"This party sucks," I joke, and at that he turns to me.

"What?" The green-haired boy asks. I laugh of amusement at his wide-eyed expression.

"I've been to better ones." I continue, but the boy scoffs. "I'm serious. Calum's cousin throws amazing parties." Michael shakes his head, muttering something. Then he looks back to me.

"You're different, you know that?"

"How so?" I counter, raising a dark eyebrow.

"Well first of all, most girls our age would be locking lips with a random boy rather than watching their best friend make a fool of himself. You notice things, Andy. I saw you taking a picture of the dry ice earlier. Most people would walk right around it, not caring to give it a second glance. But you, you actually care. I don't know, you're just different from other girls." Michael gushes, and I look away to 1. See where Calum was, and 2. Not give away the blush that was creeping onto my face.

"Why do you throw parties, Michael?" I suddenly blurt, and the boy next to my focuses his gaze on the floor. He answers, but the music gets louder and then it's chaos. Bodies run to the dance floor, making a large crowd. I stand to see Calum, slightly confused but still happy with his place on the dance floor and the amount of girls crowded around him. When it's over, I turn around to find that Michael is gone. Sighing, I sit back down in my previous spot. This night was gonna be long.

>>

When I feel the weight next to me on the cushion shift, I look up from my phone. My stomach churns, and my breath gets caught in my mouth. Sitting next to me was a Luke Hemmings, beer bottle in hand. We stare at each other for what feels like hours, the bright blue hues of his eyes making me aware of what was happening.

"What do you want, Luke?" I demand, not backing down from his gaze.

"I know you know." The boy says, his words slurred.

"Yeah, I do. You know, it's really dumb of you to write those things after cheating on me. And to think, I thought the person writing them was genuine." I can't stop the eye roll from coming as I look back down at my phone. "I had this entire plot to get back at you, but now it's not even worth it. You're not worth any of my time, Hemmings."

"Don't you think I know that? No, why would you think for even a minute that I actually spend every second of every day hating myself because of what I did to you? Because I don't have feelings, right? Wrong. I have feelings. I have too many feelings, Andy. And I'm so fucking sorry. I messed up, and I messed up bad. I keep doing it, I don't know how to stop." Luke admits, and even though I've been hating him for so long, I actually feel pity for him. "I didn't wanna ruin your life. Our whole relationship I think it was pretty obvious who was going to get somewhere in life. I didn't want to drag you down anymore, you don't deserve that."

"Then why not break up with me? You hurt me more by cheating, and with my best friend, too. Do you want to know how it feels to walk in on your best friend screwing your boyfriend? It sucks, Luke!" I finally lose it, screaming at the drunk boy next to me. He flinches back, blinking and taking in a breath before answering me.

"I'm sorry. I needed you to hate me, and Cecily was only making it worse by insisting that I was doing the right thing. Funny how when you're doing something wrong, you actually convince yourself that it's for the best. And I keep doing it. Andy, Michael was my best friend. And I was there when Cecily bet him he couldn't make you fall for him. I should've told you sooner, but I was so sure that he wouldn't stoop to her level. I'm so sorry, and I wish I could rewind time. Please, just hate me." My heart skips a beat at the words that come out of his mouth, the world beginning to spin. No, Michael wouldn't do that, I want to say, but then I remember that I didn't know him as well as he knew me. I wanted to scream and fight to prove Michael's innocence, but instead I froze. It made too much sense for it to just be a lie. "Andy?" Luke asks, resting a hand on my shoulder.

"Please just go away." I find myself begging, but Luke shakes his head. Instead, he pulls me in and I rest my head on his shoulder. The tears come, and I don't move from Luke's shoulder until they stop. If you told me this morning that I would be crying into Luke Hemmings' shoulder, I would've laughed in your face. But yet here I was, at a party days before my birthday, crying into my ex's shoulder. What a way to get into the birthday mood.